The Importance of Team You, Part V

Team You, a term coined by advice writer Captain Awkward, is a group of people who support you in times of emergency. If you are fighting the grips of mania or coping with isolating depression, these allies are invaluable.

This is part one of a five-part series.
Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V

Who Shouldn’t Be On Team You

If you’re like me, you’ve found that there are only a few precious people who can uphold the coveted Team You title, and a lot who can’t. Sometimes even close friends and family fit into that description. Even worse, they may insist on “helping” you, when all they do is harm. Cut them off at the knees. Deflect, deflect, deflect.

Phrases include:

  1. “Thank you, but I’ll be able to handle it. Specific, positive example of a Thing recently accomplished.”
  2. “Thanks for the suggestion to try [remedy which contradicts my medications]. I’ll think on that (for ten seconds).”

Then there are the maliciously ignorant. These are the people who loudly declare that conquering depression is just a matter of willpower, and if you’d just get out of bed, you’d be able to see how lazy you’ve been. Avoid these people like the plague they are.

Next is the person who actually wants to help, but always feels uncomfortable doing so and skirts around the fact that you have one or more mental illnesses. They may note, innocuously, that you’re “sick” quite often. Phrases include the ones above, but also: “It seems like you’ve noticed I have a problem today. Do you have any concrete and specific ideas about how to help me?”

Make sure they are as detailed as possible about the extent they’re willing to go, otherwise you’ll find it difficult to take their help—-or they’ll give more than they want to.

Someone who makes you feel guilty for needing their support is almost worse than the maliciously ignorant person. Try not to let them touch you, and if you find one one your Team You, boot them.

Others who shouldn’t be on Team You fall into the category of super passive-aggressives and “extreme” advice givers. Our brains are fragile enough as it is. Don’t let others fill them up with more toxins. If possible, excise these harmful influences from your life.

Thanks for reading our series on finding allies! Did we miss anything?

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About Cassandra Stout

Freelance writer Cassandra Stout blogs at The Bipolar Parent, a comprehensive resource for parents with mental illnesses. She is currently working on Committed, her forthcoming memoir detailing her time spent in a mental hospital while separated from her husband and newborn. Cassandra holds degrees from the University of Arizona in Creative Writing and Journalism, and is a member of the Pacific Northwest Writers Association. She balances her literary work with raising her children, feeding her cat, and managing her bipolar disorder.
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