Author: Cassandra Stout

Cassandra Stout is a freelance author earning her master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling with two bachelors' degrees in Journalism and Creative Writing. She is also the author of Committed, a novel-length memoir detailing her experience committing herself in a mental hospital after a postpartum psychotic break, and appeared in the anthology How the Light Gets In with one of her many short memoir pieces. A frequent contributor for the International Bipolar Foundation, Cassandra blogs at the award-winning The Bipolar Parent, a comprehensive resource for parents with mental illnesses–like herself–and their loved ones.

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How to Support Your Child in School as a Parent with Mental Illness

September 23, 2022September 28, 2022 Cassandra StoutLeave a comment

This post appeared on the International Bipolar Foundation’s website, here.

You may not think of fall as a time of new beginnings, but if you have a child in school, the new school year is certainly that.

Supporting your child at school is difficult enough but throw a mental illness into the mix and that becomes incalculably more difficult. If you suffer from a mental illness and are lost on how to ensure that your child learns the most they can at school, read on for a guide on how to support your child in school as a parent with mental illness.

1. Keep Communication Channels Open

Children with a parent who suffers a mental illness may not understand why their parent acts as they do. Young children especially will come up with narratives to explain why a mom with depression stays in bed all day, often making that problem their fault.

Kids going to school, especially kids who know their parents are different and don’t know why may be ostracized and/or bullied by their peers. So to combat all of these issues, keep communication channels open. Talk to your child about your mental illness, explaining in age-appropriate ways why you act differently from their friends’ parents.

And talking to your kid helps them know what you expect of them, which is important for stable home life.

Click here for a deeper look into how to talk to your children about your mental illness.

2. Set up a Routine – And Stick to It

When my first child was just a baby, my therapist at the time told me that consistency was key to raising him in a healthy manner. As a parent with bipolar disorder, which makes consistency next to impossible, I hated to hear that then and I hate to admit it now, but she was right.

But a consistent pattern is the best way to support your child in school, too. If you are consistently feeding them breakfast, have a predictable morning routine to get out the door, and have a decompressing routine in the afternoon after school, then your kid will be better off than when living a life of chaos.

Click here for a post on how and why to establish a routine.

3. Get to Know the School Staff

You don’t have to join the PTSA but knowing who’s who at your kid’s school is an effective step to supporting them through the system.

Schools have open houses at the beginning of the year to introduce you to the classrooms and teachers. Make every effort to attend these and learn your kid’s teachers’ names and what they look like. Find out what the best way to contact these people is, be it phone calls, emails, texts, or website contact form.

If your child has a problem, be it academically or emotionally, their teachers will be the first to know – and the first people you should contact. They’re the people on the inside, the ones who interact with your baby for at least an hour a day in close observation in a new environment.

Following up with that, also learn who your kids’ counselors are. If your child has a mental health issue at school, they will be sent to the counselor, and you will need to keep in close contact with them to get to the bottom of the issue. They can determine the next steps in treating a problem, be that involving medical professionals or keeping your student home for a spell.

Nipping problems in the bud is easier than letting them develop into behemoth knots that take more time, energy, and mental headspace to untangle. Keep a close eye on your student’s report cards and go to their teachers or counselors if they have an issue.

I would also recommend an extra step: put the school’s office line, counselors’ lines, and tardy/absence reporting line into your contacts on your phone. If your school has an alert system for snow days, sign up to be contacted. Knowing more about your school always helps.

4. Apply for Accommodations if Your Child Needs Them

If your child is having serious academic issues and you and/or their teachers suspect a learning disability or mental health condition like ADHD, they may need an IEP or 504 plan.

An IEP is an Individualized Educational Plan, a program of accommodations or modifications like a new textbook or longer test times developed by a team of experts. They will observe your child and give a report based on their schoolwork and behavior. You will be able to review this report with the team and if necessary, contest it.

Once your child qualifies for special education, the team will come up with a plan in 30 calendar days.

A 504 plan only differs from an IEP from who it serves: IEPs only cover kids in grades K-12 whereas 504 plans can cover collegiate-level students.

Requesting an IEP plan is a lot of work because you must go through official channels with the administrative staff, but don’t be afraid to fight for your kid if they need you in their corner.

5. Help Your Children Do Their Homework

Until schools stop assigning it, homework is essential for your child’s success. Not only is it part of your child’s grade, completing the homework prepares them for their upcoming tests.

Even if you don’t know the subject or don’t speak the school’s language, you can support your kid by setting up a quiet place for them to study, establishing a regular homework time, and checking in on them regularly.

Praise them for their efforts but don’t do their homework for them, as that ultimately won’t help them.

Let’s Recap

Supporting your child in school when you have a mental illness boils down to talking to them, sticking to routines, getting to know the school staff, applying for accommodations if your kid needs them, and helping them with their homework.

This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it can be a jumping-off point for you as you support your child. Compassion for yourself and your kid as you all make this transition also helps, so try to give yourself and them grace.

I wish you well in your journey!

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3 Tips for Traveling with a Mental Illness

August 26, 2022August 1, 2022 Cassandra Stout

This post appeared on the International Bipolar Foundation’s website, here.

It seems everyone and their mother is traveling these days. And that includes those of us with mental illnesses. For those of us living with mental health conditions, especially bipolar disorder, breaking from our usual routine can have disastrous consequences.

You could slip into a depressive episode that takes weeks of care back at home to recover from. Or, the more likely and worse option: if you’re not careful with your meds or sleep, you could go manic.

So how do you travel with a mental illness? Read on for some tried and true tips from my own experience as a woman managing her bipolar disorder while traveling across the country while writing this post.

Prioritize sleep

As you and I both know, good sleep hygiene is essential to managing our bipolar disorder. As a woman with bipolar I, when I get less than five hours of sleep in a night, my brain starts revving up and won’t stop.

Two nights of little sleep and I get irritable and tense, snapping at my family. My mind starts racing and I can barely keep track of my thoughts, making focus difficult to find.

This, my friends, is the beginning of a manic episode for me. If I don’t get my sleep back on track, I start losing control of myself, talking a mile a minute, and expressing bipolar rage.

Even if you don’t suffer the same consequences from missing a night of sleep, you must agree that sleep is crucial for not going manic, whatever level of manic that you experience. And sleep is necessary to ward off depressive episodes as well if your bipolar disorder trends toward depression.

So don’t do what I did this trip and book your flight for 7:15 am, necessitating a 3:45 am wake-up time. I couldn’t sleep the next night in the hotel and almost went manic, feeling exhausted but wired, but a good night’s rest the night after (last night as of this writing) set me to rights.

Almost. My shoulders are still tense and I am still wired, but the sleep took the edge off the manic episode. I’m carefully ensuring that I sleep well tonight by winding down before bed with a hot bath.

Don’t make my mistake. Prioritize sleep.

Stick to your normal day as much as possible

Routines are what get my family through the day and make managing my bipolar disorder much, much easier. If you don’t have a series of routines that you go through throughout the day, I highly, highly reccomed you start some.

(For a post on how to start creating and sticking to routines, click here.)

When you’re traveling, sticking to your normal day as much as possible is the easiest way to remember important things like taking your meds on time.

Back at home, I center my family’s day around our meals. We regularly eat at 9 am, 12 pm, and 5:30 pm. These are the rocks of our day, and everything else we do (morning park trip, afternoon study time, evening house cleaning) revolves around those bedrock times.

So I try to have my family eat at 9 am, 12 pm, and 5:30 pm when we travel, too.

Think about what you do every day at home and try to emulate that when you travel. Sticking to your normal day will help you remember crucial things, like the necessity of prioritizing sleep.

Prepare, prepare, prepare

As soon as you find out you’ll be traveling, make a packing list with everything you think you’ll need to have on hand to stick to your normal day. I have such a list on my phone, and I check the virtual boxes off when I’ve packed each item.

I highly recommend investing in a good backpack or cross-body bag. As the mother of two children, I carry a ridiculous amount of items with me, which I use regularly throughout the day. Travelling makes my backpack even more necessary.

Things I bring and carry on my person include:

Shelf-stable snacks. A blood sugar dip is the quickest way to get everyone hangry, and getting hangry is no way to be on a trip.
A first aid kit.
Three days of spare meds. These are important to have because you might find yourself in my situation yesterday: visiting family all day past the time when I was supposed to take my meds. If I don’t take my evening meds on time, I can’t sleep, which as we’ve discussed is my #1 priority when traveling. Luckily, I carried spare meds.
Water. Dehydration is the worst.
Antibacterial wipes.
Sunblock.
Masks for myself and the kids.
Chargers for various electronics and a portable battery.
My wallet with my ID, cell phone, and planner.

You absolutely do not have to carry all of these items or any of them, really. Your situation is undoubtedly different than mine as a mother with bipolar disorder. But the more you prepare for your trip ahead of time, the easier it will be to stick to your normal day and prioritize sleep.

Let’s Recap

If you’re traveling, you absolutely cannot suffer a mood episode. Not only will you not be at home where you can better take care of yourself, but you may also end up derailing the plans of your travel companions.

If you have bipolar disorder and you are planning a trip, pmake sure to prioritize sleep, stick to your normal day as much as possible, and prepare, prepare, prepare.

I wish you well in your journey.

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How to Make a Dopamenu to Give Your Brain the Stimulation it Desperately Needs

July 29, 2022August 1, 2022 Cassandra Stout

This post appeared on the International Bipolar Foundation’s website, here.

Have you ever found yourself doom scrolling the internet, desperately seeking stimulation for your depressed brain but being too tired to think of a healthy way to do that?

When we’re depressed, our brains have trouble focusing on “boring” tasks. We just can’t do them, and our brains seek stimulation.

But we often look for that easy dopamine (the “happy” chemical) hit, like scrolling social media, which ends up not feeling great when we do so for hours.

So what’s one way to stimulate the chronically understimulated depressed brain?

Make a Dopamenu.

This YouTube video by How to ADHD called “How to Give Your Brain the Stimulation it Needs” walks you through the process of making a Dopamenu, which can be done in the following four steps:

Design your menu.
Omit anything unrealistic.
Prep your ingredients.
Advertise

I’ll walk you through these in more detail below.

1. Design your Menu

The first step is designing your menu. Eric Tivers, an ADHD expert who has ADHD himself, recommends figuring out both what excites you and what makes you feel rotten after indulging in them for too long.

The video recommends breaking the menu down into the following sections:

Entrées – Activities that you can do every day that make you feel alive. My entrées involve taking a bath, planning a fanfiction with friends, eating a meal with my family, taking a brisk walk, or cross-stitching.
Desserts – Your “go-to”s when you’re bored and seeking a fast dopamine hit that doesn’t really satisfy you. Mine include eating Cheetos or drinking a Mountain Dew, staying in bed in the morning, and doom scrolling the internet.
Appetizers – Things that give you a “quick burst” of happiness. Mine include eating some cheese and bell peppers, sitting in the sun, and drinking a cup of tea.
Sides – Things you add to the other items on the menu to help you enjoy them more. Mine include listening to music and warm socks/comfortable clothing.
Specials – These are the big dopamine hits – expensive or inconvenient things that are not meant to be frequent. Mine include a trip to the local arcade to play the Dance Dance Revolution machine, baking a cake, and buying a new video game.

The video author goes on to say that desserts are not completely off-limits; you can still partake in desserts, but they shouldn’t be your main source of “nutrition” re: dopamine hits.

2. Omit anything unrealistic

The video author’s next step is to omit anything unrealistic from the entire list.

This is half a dreams list and half a goals list. I’d recommend listing things you can actually do; going on a vacation in a pandemic as a special may be out of the realm of comfort for some people, as well as too expensive.

So fluff up your list as much as possible and then cut, cut, cut.

3. Prep your ingredients

The author says to prepare to do items on your Dopamenu ahead of time as much as possible to make the processx smooth.

For example, I prepped a cross-stitch kit–fabric, needles, thread, an embroidery hoop, and scissors kept in a gallon-size Ziploc bag–and placed it in the backpack I take everywhere so I can cross-stitch at a moment’s notice. Any time I’m sitting down unoccupied and in need of precious relaxation, out comes the cross-stitch kit.

The author also says to create barriers to your go-tos so you don’t use them as often. When I need to unplug from the internet, I uninstall Discord, a chatting application, on my phone, and during my day-to-day life, I tell myself I can’t check Discord until I’ve done something productive.

Increasing the number of steps to my go-tos and decreasing the number of steps to more satisfying things on the menu has certainly helped me, and it can help you too.

4. Advertise

The next step is to make your menu pleasing to use. Advertise!

You can add descriptions to the items, design a pretty background, and/or make it humorous and therefore fun to read. When you create something beautiful to look at, it’s exciting to use!

After you prettify your Dopamenu, then place it in places where you’ll see it every day. I keep mine on my phone, but I’m planning to print a copy and post it on the door to my bedroom. That way, every time I go to lie down in my bed for the purpose of doom scrolling on my phone, I can find a better activity to engage my brain.

Final Thoughts

Making a Dopamenu is a simple way to take a look at your daily habits and start doing better ones. If your brain is continually unsatisfied, you may end up depressed, where seeking stimulation becomes even harder.

It takes energy to think of things that give you energy. Cut out the planning.

Make a Dopamenu today.

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5 Ways to Get Motivated when You’re Suffering from Depression

July 8, 2022July 5, 2022 Cassandra Stout

Editor’s Note: Remember how I said I’ll be updating twice a month? Please drop that to once a month, the final Friday. Thank you!

Depression is the pits.

As anyone who’s suffered from a depressive episode knows, motivation for basic activities is a struggle. People living through the worst depressions struggle to get out of bed, to eat, to shower, to get dressed, and any other number of day-to-day requirements.

As I’m currently suffering from a depressive episode, I’d like to outline some ways for you and me to get motivated when you’re dealing with the same. Here are 5 ways to conquer those depression blahs.

1. Challenge the Lies Your Brain Tells You

The biggest lie my brain tells me is, “You can’t handle this.”

And I often find myself taking what my brain says at face value without recognizing that my brain is a liar or challenging the thought.

Once I recognize that my brain is lying and these intrusive thoughts aren’t true, I can go back and recognize what I’ve done in the past that disproves the lie.

And I can challenge my brain, putting it to the test.

Sometimes I really can’t handle my life, but 95% of the time, I can and I have. And if I have handled situations like the ones my brain lies to me about before, I know I can.

When encountering intrusive thoughts, I’ve found the best way to manage them is to let the thought happen, and then acknowledge them with the statement, “Well, that’s a thought.”

Reframing my intrusive thoughts and the lies my brain tells me helps motivate me to manage my expectations and take on the rest of the day.

You’re not worthless. You’re not lazy. You’re struggling. There’s a difference.

And your depressive brain is a liar.

But there’s another good way to challenge your brain, which leads into tip #2.

2. Use Positive Self-Talk

Following tip #1, the best way to challenge those lies is to use positive self-talk.

Talking to yourself is normal, and if you encourage yourself, it can even be healthy.

However, if you lambast yourself, that’s unhealthy. I know how hard it is to tell myself I’m doing great when you’re not, and when I’m depressed, I think I’m not even when I am.

I often get down on myself, telling myself things like, “You’re lazy. No one loves you. You’ll never get through this.”

And those negative affirmations? While not only being patently untrue, they also serve no purpose except to make me feel worse.

So to psych myself up when I’m depressed, I tell myself, “You can do it! You can handle anything–or at least these small things during the day! You’ve conquered depression before!”

This positive self-talk helps motivate me to handle whatever challenge life throws at me, especially depression.

If that doesn’t work, I use tip #3.

3. Reach out to a Friend

My online friends are a huge part of my support system. I am blessed to have them and I recognize how fortunate I am to have people who have suffered depression before and know what it’s like.

So when I need to challenge my brain, the liar, or ask for help, I turn to my online friends for reassurance, which helps motivate me to continue working.

One of those friends helps me with tip #4.

4. Make an Accomplishments List

Another lie my brain tells me, someone who is focused on productivity and unhealthily uses it as a measure of my worth (something I’m working on), is that I haven’t gotten much done.

The problem with my brain is that when facing down a long to-do list, it doesn’t matter how much I accomplish on a daily basis; my brain thinks I made no progress at all and screams at me to get to work, so I can never relax and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

And when I’m depressed, my brain screams louder, telling me I’m lazy and worthless because I can’t get anything done.

This is untrue. I get things done, just not as much as I’d get done without my depression bogging me down.

So like in tip #3, I turn to a specific online friend I have and make a list for her, titling it various things like “Cass’s Accomplishments List” or “What I Got Done Today.”

I outline various activities and accomplishments I’ve done throughout the day, no matter how small, with bullet points. Then my encouraging friend celebrates the little victories with me.

Listing out everything I’ve gotten done over the day helps motivate me to make her proud, and when I look at all I’ve done despite being depressed, even the small things, it makes me proud, too.

Here’s a sample of one of my lists:

What Cass Accomplished Today While Feeling Rotten

Brushed my teeth
Took morning meds on time
Made breakfast for my daughter and me and ate it
Got my daughter dressed
Made my daughter brush her teeth
Brought down my laundry basket
Drove to the mall to let my daughter play at the indoor park

And that’s just the morning. Even if you think you’ve spent all your time in bed, there are likely a lot of little things you’ve gotten done throughout the day.

Taking your meds counts as self-care. So does brushing your teeth and taking down your laundry basket.

Try making a list today. It might help motivatwe you.

And if that doesn’t work, try tip #5.

5. Get Dressed

Maybe I should have started with this tip because it’s so foundational. But getting dressed is crucial to my success.

Getting out of bed in the mornings is next to impossible because I need to get dressed to face the day. That’s an obstacle that seems insurmountable at times.

I resist getting dressed because it means my day has started, usually before I’m ready for it. I often lie in bed wide awake for 20-40 minutes after my alarm rings because I don’t want to get dressed. Staying in bed is easier than getting dressed.

But once I do, my brain turns onto work mode. I can’t go back to bed because I’m wearing jeans and shoes.

Getting dressed, especially putting my shoes on, starts off a chain reaction of putting deodorant on, brushing teeth, and taking my meds. They’re habits I’ve formed that putting my shoes on trigger.

My brain orients around donning my clothes because it means my day has started and I’m ready for it, a powerful motivator.

I like to use tip #2 and tell myself, “Get dressed, Cass. You can handle your day.” And once I force myself through the motions of putting on my clothes, even if I’m not feeling it, everything that follows is on autopilot.

If I can conquer getting dressed, the first task of the day, I can handle anything.

And so can you. Try getting dressed today. I wouldn’t be surprised if it signals something in your brain, too.

Let’s Recap

By challenging the lies my brain tells me, using positive self-talk, reaching out to my friends, making accomplishment lists, and getting dressed, I can motivate myself to get things done despite my depression dragging me down by the ankles.

I am not worthless or lazy, I’m just feeling rotten right now, and this, too, shall pass. I can handle my day.

And so can you. You can cope with anything life throws at you.

Try to find some way to motivate yourself. If these tips help you, great! But if they don’t, do some thinking about what will get you up and moving.

If you can’t think of anything, it might be time to let your treatment team know how you’re feeling, or call a warm line, where you can talk with someone who’s been there.

I wish you well in your journey.

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Father’s Day: Mental Health Resources for Men

June 24, 2022June 7, 2022 Cassandra Stout

The mental health of fathers, especially new fathers, matters.

When fathers are mentally healthy and in tune with their emotions, they’re usually more present with their children. And as a direct result, the kids thrive.

One in ten men–10% of men in America–suffers postpartum depression, and that rate raises to a whopping 50% if mom is depressed.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of resources for mothers suffering postpartum depression and major depressive disorders, but few for fathers directly.

In honor of Father’s Day, here are some mental health resources for fathers. Most resources are for both parents, and I will be including some of those here as well, with the focus being on men.

What if I’m in a Crisis?

If you or someone you love is experiencing a mental health crisis, try one of the numbers below.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (Espanol): 1-888-628-9454.
To reach a crisis counselor, text HOME to 741-741.
If you or your loved one struggles with substance abuse, call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-622-HELP (4357) and they’ll hook you up with referrals to treatment centers.

Also of note are my domestic (US) and international crisis hotline master posts, found here and here respectively.

If you or your loved ones are dealing with a mental health crisis, there is help out there. All you have to do is to have the courage to ask for help.

Resources for Fathers

There are a few treatment locators available for the United States, specifically this one by Psychology Today and this one by SAMHSA. You can look for men’s health issues directly.
ManTherapy is a website with a “rich mahogany” vibe, one that encourages men to seek help with memes and entertaining articles based on Anchorman.
Heads Up Guys offers practical tips and support for men suffering depression by other men who have been there.
Postpartum.net has a fabulous list of resources specifically for dads suffering from postpartum depression, including support groups and chats with an expert in mental health. They also have a helpline that you can call or text at 1-800-944-4773 (4PPD) in English and Spanish. From their website: “When you call the HelpLine you will be asked to leave a confidential message, and a trained and caring volunteer will listen and return your call or text during business hours. They will listen, answer questions, offer encouragement, and connect you with local resources as needed.”
In a similar vein, GoodRx.com has a huge list of mental health resources for men, including online support groups, mental health therapy for men, and specific resources for Black men.

Resources Specific to Canada

Here to Help provides a self-assessment tool that can be used by anyone.
Triple P offers free online programs for parenting advice across a range of ages.
Anxiety Canada offers a free online anxiety management program that I believe anyone can use.
Bounce Back Ontario provides a free telephone-guided cognitive behavioral therapy session for depression and anxiety.

Final Thoughts

Men who suffer from depression and mental health challenges often suffer alone, keeping their detrimental feelings to themselves.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. There is help out there for men, especially fathers.

If you are a man who is suffering from depression, check out one of these websites. And if you are a woman who loves a man who suffers, then point him to this post.

You can conquer depression and other mental health challenges. It takes time, talking to someone, self-care, and possibly medication, but you can claw your way out of the pit.

Get help today.

I wish you well in your journey.

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How to Ensure You Never Run out of Meds Again

June 10, 2022June 10, 2022 Cassandra Stout

Blogger’s Note: I will be updating my blog every two weeks from now on! Thanks for reading!

This post appeared on the International Bipolar Foundation’s website, here.

Running out of meds is the worst.

If you’re regularly taking medication and you run out of pills and stop suddenly, this is terrible for your body and your mind.

If you’re bipolar, you may end up tripping into a mood episode that can devastate you and your family.

But how do you ensure you never run out of meds?

This is the process that works for me, and it might help you, too. I live in the US, take medications that work that I can afford, and have a regular psychiatrist on call that I can also afford.

If these facts aren’t all true for you, then the basics of the process may work but the entire process may not.

I’ll discuss some tips on how to afford your meds later, as well as providing a National Institutes of Mental Health link describing several ways to afford a psychiatrist in the US.

How to Prevent Yourself from Running out of Meds

As I’m sure you’re aware, keeping your supply of meds stocked is important for day-to-day functioning.

But how do you ensure you’ll never run out of meds again?

Here’s what I do.

I have an am/pm pillbox that I fill every week on Sunday morning, right after my morning dose. I recommend designating a particular time to fill your pillbox, so you are always aware of what medications you possess at any given time.

I also highly recommend taking your meds at the same times every day. I take mine as soon as I wake up and after dinner at around 6pm but no later than 6:30pm because my antipsychotic helps me sleep, and if I take it too late, I’m wired until midnight.

Now that I’ve been taking my meds at the same times every day for almost a year, the habit is ingrained in me, and I rarely miss my meds. And on the rare occasion that I do miss a morning dose, for example, my pillbox lets me know because the pills are still in the am slot.

Once I have two weeks left of pills, I call my pharmacy and have them order pills for me from my psychiatrist.

My psych doc knows these pills work for me in these doses (and if they ever stop working, I call him to make an adjustment), so he prescribes them in doses of 90 days.

If you can talk to your psychiatrist and ask them to prescribe in three-month levels (assuming you have meds that work), you can have your psychiatrist fax your meds to the pharmacy of your choice and pick them up every three months.

I have my preferred pharmacy’s–at my local grocery store–number saved in my phone. When I call them to order medications, the pharmacy has an automated phone menu that I enter my prescription bottle number (so save that bottle!) in to ask for a refill.

After entering the prescription number in the phone and confirming my own phone number when asked, the menu narrator then tells me when my medications will be ready (usually in a couple of days).

So when I see I have a two-week supply left of my medications from filling my pillbox on Sunday morning, I call my pharmacy. They order a 90-day supply from my psychiatrist, and I have my husband pick the medication up on the next shopping day, typically Mondays.

So my process is almost entirely automated. I would be surprised if your local grocery store didn’t also have an automated phone menu for their pharmacy, so you wouldn’t even have to talk to a pharmacist if you didn’t want to!

But don’t be afraid to talk to your pharmacist. They’re there to help you. They want you to have your meds, not only because that’s good for you, but also that’s how they get paid.

Get to know your local pharmacist if you can. They can help you get the life-saving medications you need on a regular basis.

Back before I got used to this process and I frequently ran out of pills, I was able to call my pharmacist and ask them to expedite my meds so I could pick them up in the same day.

Before I had a three-month supply, I also called my pharmacist to order me a three-week supply when I was going on an out-of-state trip.

I’ve also run out of meds while on a month-long trip and called my psych doc and pharmacy to transfer the “emergency” prescription to a pharmacy across the country, where I was staying.

So learning to rely on your pharmacist, who again, is there to help you, is crucial for your success!

But What if You Can’t Afford Them?

If you can’t afford your medications, ask your doctor. They may have access to free samples of the pills you need or be able to prescribe you a cheaper generic drug.

If you’re an American citizen and you’re uninsured, find out if the pharmaceutical company that manufactures your drug has a patient-assistance program. You may qualify for these programs if your income is 100% of the poverty line, but it’s unlikely that you will if you receive Medicaid benefits.

Ask your pharmacy if they have a discount program if you pay in cash. If you’re over fifty and have a membership with the AARP, you can receive discounts on pills.

As promised, here’s the link to the NAMI’s article of resources if you can’t afford a psychiatrist. This is US-centric, but you can extrapolate the process if you live in another country.

Final Thoughts

This process has taken me a long time and a lot of trial and error to perfect, but the three-month supply works very well for me. After years of never running out of meds, I have found that the process is almost automatic.

If you can automate and make routines for yourself, you will find the management of your condition a lot easier.

I wish you well in your journey.

Editor’s Note – Some states have laws that prevents you from getting prescriptions for psych meds directly from the pharmacy, so you may have to go through your doctor. IBPF is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment, so if you have any questions, please speak to your medical professionals.

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The Bipolar Parent’s Master Link List

June 3, 2022April 21, 2022 Cassandra Stout

Updated: June 3rd, 2022.

Why, hello, there! Welcome to my blog!

My name is Cassandra Stout.

I have lived with and managed my bipolar I disorder for almost a decade and a half, having suffered a postpartum psychotic break and crippling postpartum depression.

Recovery was a long and winding road, but I can happily say that I have been stable for several years.

On this blog, I offer advice based on personal experiences, hoping to share to better your life by encouraging you to manage your mental health.

I have advice for you on topics ranging from how to identify and manage manic and depressive episodes to how to shield your children from the effects of your bipolar disorder to how to accomplish your to-do list during a depressive episode–and a lot more.

I hope you like your stay here. Here is the Master Link list to almost all of my posts. Enjoy the site, and thanks for stopping by!

bipolar parent

How I (Mis)managed my Bipolar Disorder During my Pregnancies

May 27, 2022May 5, 2022 Cassandra Stout

Trigger Warning: This post contains a discussions of suicide. If you or someone you know is at risk of suicide, please:

Call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255
Text TALK to 741741
Or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.

For a post with a list of domestic crisis lines, click here.

For a post with a list of international crisis lines, clic k here.

—

This post appeared on The International Bipolar Foundation’s website, here.

Pregnancy.

It’s a time of joy for some, a time of horror for others, and a time of anxiety for most.

Becoming pregnant, regardless of the outcome, changes your life forever. And if you have a mismanaged mental illness that’s affected by maternal hormones like bipolar disorder, irrevocable damage can be done.

May is National Maternal Depression month in the U.S., a time to reflect and raise awareness for mothers who face challenges such as postpartum depression.

According to WebMD, “Pregnant women or new mothers with bipolar disorder have seven times the risk of hospital admissions compared to pregnant women who do not have bipolar disorder.”

And I was one of them.

Here are my completely different experiences with my two pregnancies and how I managed and mismanaged my bipolar disorder–and what a difference that made.

During my first pregnancy, warning signs of an undiagnosed, worsening bipolar disorder were missed or ignored by my obstetrician. As I wasn’t aware that I had a mental illness, my anxiety, depression, and mania–a mixed mood episode–quickly grew out of control and ravaged my mind and body.

Because of lingering issues centered around going hungry as a child, my manic fear that my new family would go hungry forced me to build a balcony garden with recycled tin cans and bulk soil purchased for pennies. I was terrified that my husband and I would run out of money despite his stable, high-paying job.

The garden never took off, and due to my burgeoning depression, I quickly became suicidal. I became obsessed with a show I saw once a week on television, Avatar: The Last Airbender, living only for new episodes. I forced my husband to watch the show, saying I identified with the sociopathic character who has a psychotic break in the end because I was so numb and messed up.

Faced with decorating a nursery on what I perceived to be a shoe-string budget, I dove in our apartment’s huge dumpster for mismatched, broken lamps, bassinets, and other baby items. I crammed our guest room/nursery so full of filthy items, we couldn’t even walk through the room.

I could not bond with my baby, instead concentrating on how awful I felt. I was jittery, depressed, irritable, lonely, and physically sick–I suffered from a condition called hyperemesis, which means I threw up several times a day for nine months straight.

Rather than gaining weight like I was supposed to, I lost thirty pounds and only gained back ten, and was placed on bedrest four months in. I lost even more weight after the baby was born. I started out the pregnancy at 148 pounds and ended it at approximately 100–not exactly a healthy weight for a 5’7” woman.

Throughout the pregnancy, I faced challenges such as social isolation (my husband and I had just moved 1500 miles away from friends and family for his job), limited mobility (I sprained my ankle and couldn’t drive), and completely wild hormones. It’s no wonder that I suffered a psychotic break after giving birth!

Fortunately, I committed myself to a mental hospital with the help of my therapist, whom I’d started seeing at the beginning of the pregnancy. The doctors there gave me an official diagnosis–bipolar I–as well as medication that saved my life.

Following the pregnancy, I suffered from a crippling postpartum depression that rewired me completely. I went from a bold, confident, intelligent young woman to someone fearful and constantly seeking validation from others.

It took me three long years and several medication changes to recover–and even now, 13 years later, I’m not quite 100% back to my former self.

However, three years after recovering from postpartum depression, when my first child was six, I was ready to try for another baby. My husband had always encouraged me to be in control of our reproductive choices, so he willingly agreed to a second pregnancy.

For the second pregnancy, I insisted on taking medication. I didn’t want to go back into the depths of suicidal depression. And I faithfully attended therapy once a week, discussing coping strategies I could use.

During the second pregnancy, I once again suffered from hyperemesis. I threw up 6-8 times per day from the moment I conceived until the day I gave birth.

Despite that, I my spirits were high and I didn’t suffer a massive depressive or manic episode. I was no longer depending on a television show to emotionally sustain me.

My routine of medication, therapy, and self-care kept the awful mood episodes at bay. I was sane, stable, and dare I say, happy. I was able to bond with my baby and suffered no ill effects after giving birth.

All things considered, except for the hyperemesis and bedrest, the second pregnancy was much closer to “normal” and expected for a healthy pregnancy. I certainly didn’t suffer as much emotional pain!

My bipolar disorder diagnosis–and appropriate approaches to treatment–made such a difference in my two pregnancies. After the first one, I was terrified to have more children; after the second, I considered having a third.

If you have bipolar disorder or even think you do, carefully consider the risks of getting pregnant before you embark on that journey. It may take you somewhere you don’t wish to be.

But there are steps you can take to sustain a safe and healthy pregnancy. Low-risk psychotropic medications are available to you. Talk therapy poses no risk to the baby. And a self-care routine prioritizing sleep can do nothing but good for you.

I wish you well on your journey.

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How to Stop Shoulding on Yourself

May 20, 2022April 7, 2022 Cassandra Stout

This post was featured on the International Bipolar Foundation website, here.

When you’re depressed, forget about thriving – you’re in survival mode.

Which means you need to be especially gentle with yourself.

If you’re telling yourself that you should get everything done on your impossibly long to-do list today, a trap that a lot of us in capitalistic societies fall into, you’re shoulding on yourself.

Shoulding on yourself is a terrible habit. Saying “I should do this,” or “I should do that,” is just piling guilt on yourself and zapping the motivation to do anything. Believe me, when I’m drowning under a wave of self-imposed shoulds, especially when I’m depressed, I go back to bed.

If you’re shoulding on yourself when you’re depressed, you’re being unkind to yourself when you’re in survival mode. You don’t have the “spoons” to do most of the tasks you think you should and you definitely don’t have the spoons to fret about it.

The Spoon Theory, a concept popularized in a personal essay by the same name by Christine Miserandino, explains the idea of energy in short supply due to chronic illness using “spoons” as units of energy.

If you’re low on spoons, an easy state to be in when you’re depressed and don’t start with many, shoulding on yourself is the last thing you need. Worry about what you should do will just exhaust you.

Don’t think, “I should do this and after that I should do this.”

Think, “I have one task to do. What would be the most effective use of my spoons? How crucial is this spoon usage? Will I be forced to do it later when I may have even fewer spoons?”

If you answer “I can do x because it will be effective,” or “this is very crucial,” and “yes,” then do the task.

The ONE task.

One task at a time. Don’t even worry about the others until that one task is done.

If you’re worried about all the tasks you have to do after the first–take a shower, prepare that quarterly report, clean out the storage unit–you’ll never finish even the first task. You’ll end up paralyzing yourself by how much you should get done.

Instead, prioritize. Think, “What is my most effective/crucial task?”

Many tasks aren’t as crucial as we believe they are. Crucial tasks are things like “feed the five-year-old.” Strip your to-do list down to its very basics, things you need for survival or for your dependents’ survival.

It’s time to choose your most effective/crucial task. And only one. When you’re in survival mode, you only have the spoons to do one or two, and especially one at a time.

You can only do one task at a time well, so choose the one that will get you the most bang for your buck. What is pressing on you the most? What do you want to do the least later?

You can conquer that task. You are smart and capable and able to conquer anything on your to-do list, one at a time.

I wish you well in your journey.

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25 Inspirational Mental Health Quotes to Give Your Mood a Boost

May 13, 2022April 6, 2022 Cassandra Stout

Are you feeling down in the dumps about your mental health?

It’s a catch-22 of depression: sometimes we feel depressed, and then we feel awful about feeling depressed.

But don’t feel bad. Sometimes we feel down, and that’s okay.

People around the world have words of wisdom to share about mental health. Here are 25 mental health quotes to give your mood a boost.

25 of the Best Mental Health Quotes

1. “The advice I’d give to somebody that’s silently struggling is: You don’t have to live that way. You don’t have to struggle in silence. You can be un-silent. You can live well with a mental health condition, as long as you open up to somebody about it, because it’s really important you share your experience with people so that you can get the help that you need.” — Demi Lovoto

2. “There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t.”— John Green

3. “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” — Albus Dumbledore

4. “It’s up to you today to start making healthy choices. Not choices that are just healthy for your body, but healthy for your mind.” — Steve Maraboli

5. “Gardens are not made by sitting in the shade.” — Rudyard Kipling

6. “This feeling will pass. The fear is real but the danger is not.” — Cammie McGovern

7. “Nobody can save you but yourself, and you’re worth saving. It’s a war not easily won, but if anything is worth winning then this is it.” — Charles Bukowski

8. “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to; it’s not for them.” — Joubert Botha

9. “One small crack does not mean that you are broken, it means that you were put to the test and you didn’t fall apart.” — Linda Poindexter

10. “She is beautiful piece of broken pottery, put back together by her own hands. And a critical world judges her cracks while missing the beauty of how she made herself whole again.” — J.M. Storm

11. “Your illness is not your identity. Your chemistry is not your character.” — Rick Warren

12. “Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but, importantly, YOU ARE NOT THE RAIN.” — Matt Haig

13. “If you are broken, you do not have to stay broken.” — Selena Gomez

14. “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

15. “Be confused, it’s where you begin to learn new things. Be broken, it’s where you begin to heal. Be frustrated, it’s where you start to make more authentic decisions. Be sad, because if we are brave enough we can hear our heart’s wisdom through it. Be whatever you are right now. No more hiding. You are worthy, always.” — S.C. Lourie

16. “Often it’s the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.” — Karen Salmansohn

17. “You are valuable just because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are.” — Max Lucado

18. “One of the things that baffles me (and there are quite a few) is how there can be so much lingering stigma with regards to mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder. In my opinion, living with manic depression takes a tremendous amount of balls. Not unlike a tour of Afghanistan (though the bombs and bullets, in this case, come from the inside). At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of. They should issue medals along with the steady stream of medication.” — Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking

19. “What does your anxiety do? It does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but it empties today of its strength. It does not make you escape the evil; it makes you unfit to cope with it if it comes.” — Raymond L. Cramer

20. “Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.” — Nido Qubein

21. “Everybody knows there is no such thing as normal. There is no black-and-white definition of normal. Normal is subjective. There’s only a messy, inconsistent, silly, hopeful version of how we feel most at home in our lives.” — Tori Spelling

22. “You are the one thing in this world, above all other things, that you must never give up on. When I was in middle school, I was struggling with severe anxiety and depression and the help and support I received from my family and a therapist saved my life. Asking for help is the first step. You are more precious to this world than you’ll ever know.” — Lili Rhinehart

23. “My dark days made me strong. Or maybe I already was strong, and they made me prove it.” — Emery Lord

24. “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.” — Abraham Lincoln

25. “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” — Aristotle

Which quote was your favorite?

I hope these quotes helped you feel a little bit better, a little bit stronger, a little bit more at ease. Mental health is a journey, one which we don’t have to take alone.

If you’re struggling with your mental health, talk to someone today.

I wish you well in your journey.

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