bipolar parent

5 Ways to Get Motivated when You’re Suffering from Depression

hoto by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Editor’s Note: Remember how I said I’ll be updating twice a month? Please drop that to once a month, the final Friday. Thank you!

Depression is the pits.

As anyone who’s suffered from a depressive episode knows, motivation for basic activities is a struggle. People living through the worst depressions struggle to get out of bed, to eat, to shower, to get dressed, and any other number of day-to-day requirements.

As I’m currently suffering from a depressive episode, I’d like to outline some ways for you and me to get motivated when you’re dealing with the same. Here are 5 ways to conquer those depression blahs.

1. Challenge the Lies Your Brain Tells You

The biggest lie my brain tells me is, “You can’t handle this.”

And I often find myself taking what my brain says at face value without recognizing that my brain is a liar or challenging the thought.

Once I recognize that my brain is lying and these intrusive thoughts aren’t true, I can go back and recognize what I’ve done in the past that disproves the lie.

And I can challenge my brain, putting it to the test.

Sometimes I really can’t handle my life, but 95% of the time, I can and I have. And if I have handled situations like the ones my brain lies to me about before, I know I can.

When encountering intrusive thoughts, I’ve found the best way to manage them is to let the thought happen, and then acknowledge them with the statement, “Well, that’s a thought.”

Reframing my intrusive thoughts and the lies my brain tells me helps motivate me to manage my expectations and take on the rest of the day.

You’re not worthless. You’re not lazy. You’re struggling. There’s a difference.

And your depressive brain is a liar.

But there’s another good way to challenge your brain, which leads into tip #2.

2. Use Positive Self-Talk

Following tip #1, the best way to challenge those lies is to use positive self-talk.

Talking to yourself is normal, and if you encourage yourself, it can even be healthy.

However, if you lambast yourself, that’s unhealthy. I know how hard it is to tell myself I’m doing great when you’re not, and when I’m depressed, I think I’m not even when I am.

I often get down on myself, telling myself things like, “You’re lazy. No one loves you. You’ll never get through this.”

And those negative affirmations? While not only being patently untrue, they also serve no purpose except to make me feel worse.

So to psych myself up when I’m depressed, I tell myself, “You can do it! You can handle anything–or at least these small things during the day! You’ve conquered depression before!”

This positive self-talk helps motivate me to handle whatever challenge life throws at me, especially depression.

If that doesn’t work, I use tip #3.

3. Reach out to a Friend

My online friends are a huge part of my support system. I am blessed to have them and I recognize how fortunate I am to have people who have suffered depression before and know what it’s like.

So when I need to challenge my brain, the liar, or ask for help, I turn to my online friends for reassurance, which helps motivate me to continue working.

One of those friends helps me with tip #4.

4. Make an Accomplishments List

Another lie my brain tells me, someone who is focused on productivity and unhealthily uses it as a measure of my worth (something I’m working on), is that I haven’t gotten much done.

The problem with my brain is that when facing down a long to-do list, it doesn’t matter how much I accomplish on a daily basis; my brain thinks I made no progress at all and screams at me to get to work, so I can never relax and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

And when I’m depressed, my brain screams louder, telling me I’m lazy and worthless because I can’t get anything done.

This is untrue. I get things done, just not as much as I’d get done without my depression bogging me down.

So like in tip #3, I turn to a specific online friend I have and make a list for her, titling it various things like “Cass’s Accomplishments List” or “What I Got Done Today.”

I outline various activities and accomplishments I’ve done throughout the day, no matter how small, with bullet points. Then my encouraging friend celebrates the little victories with me.

Listing out everything I’ve gotten done over the day helps motivate me to make her proud, and when I look at all I’ve done despite being depressed, even the small things, it makes me proud, too.

Here’s a sample of one of my lists:

What Cass Accomplished Today While Feeling Rotten

  • Brushed my teeth
  • Took morning meds on time
  • Made breakfast for my daughter and me and ate it
  • Got my daughter dressed
  • Made my daughter brush her teeth
  • Brought down my laundry basket
  • Drove to the mall to let my daughter play at the indoor park

And that’s just the morning. Even if you think you’ve spent all your time in bed, there are likely a lot of little things you’ve gotten done throughout the day.

Taking your meds counts as self-care. So does brushing your teeth and taking down your laundry basket.

Try making a list today. It might help motivatwe you.

And if that doesn’t work, try tip #5.

5. Get Dressed

Maybe I should have started with this tip because it’s so foundational. But getting dressed is crucial to my success.

Getting out of bed in the mornings is next to impossible because I need to get dressed to face the day. That’s an obstacle that seems insurmountable at times.

I resist getting dressed because it means my day has started, usually before I’m ready for it. I often lie in bed wide awake for 20-40 minutes after my alarm rings because I don’t want to get dressed. Staying in bed is easier than getting dressed.

But once I do, my brain turns onto work mode. I can’t go back to bed because I’m wearing jeans and shoes.

Getting dressed, especially putting my shoes on, starts off a chain reaction of putting deodorant on, brushing teeth, and taking my meds. They’re habits I’ve formed that putting my shoes on trigger.

My brain orients around donning my clothes because it means my day has started and I’m ready for it, a powerful motivator.

I like to use tip #2 and tell myself, “Get dressed, Cass. You can handle your day.” And once I force myself through the motions of putting on my clothes, even if I’m not feeling it, everything that follows is on autopilot.

If I can conquer getting dressed, the first task of the day, I can handle anything.

And so can you. Try getting dressed today. I wouldn’t be surprised if it signals something in your brain, too.

Let’s Recap

By challenging the lies my brain tells me, using positive self-talk, reaching out to my friends, making accomplishment lists, and getting dressed, I can motivate myself to get things done despite my depression dragging me down by the ankles.

I am not worthless or lazy, I’m just feeling rotten right now, and this, too, shall pass. I can handle my day.

And so can you. You can cope with anything life throws at you.

Try to find some way to motivate yourself. If these tips help you, great! But if they don’t, do some thinking about what will get you up and moving.

If you can’t think of anything, it might be time to let your treatment team know how you’re feeling, or call a warm line, where you can talk with someone who’s been there.

I wish you well in your journey.

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bipolar parent

Disclosing Your Mental Illness Masterpost: How, When, and to Whom

Photo by Matthew Ball on Unsplash

Disclosing your mental illness to other people is a huge decision. You have to consider not only whether your friends/employers will support you after you disclose, but also how and when to do so.

I tend to disclose within the first or second meeting, before I’m even attached to a friend. I am open about my bipolar disorder to almost everyone I meet.

Bipolar disorder is just a label; it’s a part of my life but it isn’t everything, and it explains why I’m sometimes unpredictable. And I have a strong support system, so I have little to lose by disclosing.

For further reading on how I became more comfortable sharing my bipolar diagnosis, click here.

I live in a liberal area of the U.S. and have had various reactions to my admitting that I have bipolar disorder, most of which were positive but some of which were disheartening. There are often three ways that friends and family react:

  1. They are comfortable with your disclosure, nothing changes for the worse, and sometimes they’re better at supporting you.
  2. They are incredibly uncomfortable and take steps to end the relationship with you.
  3. They say that they are comfortable with you telling them this and then proceed to fade slowly from your life.

Obviously the first outcome is the best and most hoped for. While ending relationships are a concern, it’s entirely possible that they wouldn’t have been able to support you anyway, so it’s probably best that they disappear from your life.

When to Disclose Your Mental Illness

Telling someone about your mental illness takes a lot of courage. And you don’t have to tell anyone right away–or at all. Not everyone can live as openly as I do.

If you want to tell someone about your mental illness, tell them when:

  • You are well. You don’t want to wait until a mental health crisis hits to disclose to your friends that you have a mental illness. Disclosing when you’ve got your illness under control will give the people you disclose to time to adjust to the fact that you suffer from a disorder.
  • When you need people to understand. Sometimes, people who suffer from mental illnesses need special accommodations at work or school. Letting friends know the reason behind why you don’t want to hang out with them during a depressive spiral can prevent them from thinking you’ve grown distant. Telling people you have a mental illness is better when it serves a purpose.
  • When you’re ready. Disclosing your mental illness to friends, family, or even an employer is an intensely personal decision. Write down exactly what you want to say, and practice your words, either in front of the mirror or with a licensed professional. Talking to a therapist about your concerns may help put your mind at ease.

Although the “perfect” time to disclose depends on your relationship to the person and whether you’re well, honesty is almost always the best policy.

People don’t “need” to know that you’re mentally ill. Disclosing is your decision alone. But it may help explain some of your more erratic behaviors to the people you impact with them, which may help them give you grace when you suffer mood episodes.

When you choose to disclose is up to you. I’ve personally found that letting people know upfront that I have challenges they (usually) don’t is beneficial to both of us.

And if you’re dating someone, it’s always best to disclose that you have mood episodes sooner rather than later. For a more specific post on when to disclose your mental illness to your dates, click here.

Now that you know when to disclose, how do you do it?

4 General Tips on How to Disclose Your Mental Illness

You may have been curious to know how to disclose your mental illness to the people around you. Here are some tips to do just that.

1. Bring Your Disorder up in Casual Conversation

When I disclose my mental illness, I tend to bring it up in casual, low-stakes conversation.

If a potential parent friend asks about my children, I tell them a few facts about them (I have two, these are their names and ages, blah blah blah). Then I sometimes mention that the baby years were especially difficult because the sleep deprivation tended to make me manic, because I have bipolar disorder.

Despite its massive effect on my life, treating the illness as just something I have to deal with on a regular basis helps me.

I try not to trivialize the disorder–which is why I also sometimes bring up my postpartum psychotic break and how serious and painful it was–but I also tend to talk about my disorder as just a part of me.

This strategy normalizes the mental illness and allows you to determine the terms of how others perceive your bipolar disorder. If you treat the illness seriously but with grace, then other people may as well.

2. Describe the Steps You’re Taking to Manage Your Condition

Bipolar disorder is only as shocking as you allow it to be.

If you describe your bipolar disorder as this awful, paralyzing albatross, then both you and the person you’re talking to will form an opinion of you as being ravaged by your disorder and out of control.

Don’t let bipolar disorder rule your life even in the way you talk about it.

Try to describe the steps you’re taking to manage your bipolar disorder. Try to say things like, “I have bipolar disorder, which means I have to take medication and be vigilant about how much sleep I get.”

This lets people know you’re actively working towards stability, a heartening sign. Being friends with someone who’s unmanageable may scare some people away, as they might not be ready for a commitment like being constantly impacted by your wild moods.

Remember, managing bipolar disorder successfully is work no matter how you slice it, so be proud of that work!

3. Demonstrate How Your Bipolar Disorder Gives You Empathy

Even when getting to know my close friends, I would say things like, “Oh, yes, I understand a lack of focus–I have bipolar disorder and that makes focusing difficult.”

Mental health challenges are growing more and more common. A huge percentage of people struggle daily with problems like inability to focus, insomnia, or even mild, high-functioning depression.

Because your bipolar disorder is a series of mental health challenges itself, it has likely given you empathy for people who currently struggle with them. Don’t be afraid to show that empathy and let people know you understand their issues.

This shows them that you will not patronize them for their struggles, which may endear you to them.

4. If You Need it, Ask for Help

If you have a close relationship with someone, don’t be afraid to ask for help, especially from your employer (more on that below). If you believe they will be receptive, suggest ways your audience can support you.

This can involve asking for more breaks or other accommodations at work or school, or simply asking a friend to understand why you can’t hang out as long, especially at night, when you need more sleep.

You can also ask your loved ones to help you find a doctor and follow through with an appointment, if you feel that your friend or family member will understand and be helpful.

Set boundaries here, too: you know yourself best, and you need to explain whether you need advice or just need your audience to listen.

I have often “vented” to my close friends about how my mania makes me feel, especially when I’m in a manic state. I am upfront with my friends and family about whether I’m entering a mood episode, especially mania, and I describe the steps I’m taking to stabilize again.

4. Keep in Mind Your Boundaries on What to Share

You definitely don’t need to share everything. Plan ahead as to what you feel comfortable sharing about your experience. It’s perfectly reasonable to explain that you don’t feel like talking about something in particular.

If you do feel there are good parts to your illness, like things you’ve learned, try to share those. Remember, how others perceive your bipolar disorder is often about how you frame it, and what details you are comfortable sharing will shape how others feel about you.

I rarely have reservations when talking about my bipolar disorder, but there are friends for whom I wouldn’t go into detail about my postpartum psychotic break.

When I asked friends to read my book about the experience in the past, they frequently couldn’t read past the first paragraph because it was too painful for them to think of how much agony I experienced.

Some people can’t handle the nitty gritty of my illness and that’s okay. I still refer to my breakdown in general terms, but I don’t tell certain friends everything about it unless they express interest in reading my book (at which I warn them about how intense it is).

When sharing details about your mental illness, consider not only your comfort levels, but also your friends’, and what opinions you want them to have of you.

Disclosing your mental illness can be a deep and intense process, but it doesn’t have to be. Try bringing up your bipolar disorder in casual conversation, describe the steps you’re taking to manage your condition, demonstrate the empathy the illness has given you, and keep in mind your boundaries and your friends’ comfort levels.

If you’re disclosing to an employer, however, that’s a completely different ballgame. Here’s how to do that:

How to Disclose Your Mental Illness to an Employer

You know how and when to disclose your mental illness, and even if to disclose to family and friends. But what about your employer? Read on to learn how to protect yourself.

When choosing to disclose a mental illness at work, there are several factors to consider. You might face stigma from your coworkers–or worse, your bosses. Those you work with might not understand, or even want to understand, your daily struggle.

However, with disclosure might come special accommodations–like extra breaks–which are part of your civil rights. There are certain protections available to you.

You absolutely deserve those protections. If you’re in the US, don’t be afraid to disclose your condition to your employer so they can treat you fairly under the law.

Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA)

The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) is a protection that you should be familiar with. The ADA is just like it sounds like: a federal law that protects Americans with disabilities at private employers with more than fifteen employees, as well as state and government employers. There are two conditions you must meet for the act to apply:

  1. Your disability impairs your life, essentially making working difficult. This condition applies to difficulties with regulating emotion, concentrating, and other ways your mental illness interferes with your ability to work.
  2. That, while your illness makes working difficult, you can get the work done.

Rehabilitation Act of 1973 (Rehab Act)

The Rehabilitation Act of 1973, or Rehab Act, is a federal law very similar to the ADA that applies to schools. Any agency that receives government funding is covered under the Rehab Act.

Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA)

The Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) is a useful law that helps people keep their jobs while taking an extended leave of absence. The FMLA only applies to companies with over fifty employees, and after you have worked for the company for a year minimum. The FMLA lets you take up to twelve weeks of unpaid leave to care for a sick family member or recover from an illness yourself.

States also have their own protections for Americans with disabilities.

What Accommodations Can I Receive? How?

Under these laws, you can receive special accommodations: working from home, flexible start times, written directions, feedback from your bosses and coworkers, more breaks, and quiet places to take those breaks. These changes to the workplace are intended to be an aid for you so that you can complete your tasks.

But how do you apply for these accommodations? The process isn’t difficult, but the onus is on you to ask. Once you do, your employer is mandated to talk with you.

  • First, contact the human resources (HR) department and ask them what channels you need to go through to apply.
  • Write down your request. Be very specific as to what accommodations you need, and explain to HR how these will help you in the workplace.
  • Talk with your treatment team–therapists and psychiatrists–to see if they can offer any proof that you suffer from a mental illness.
  • Take notes at every conversation you have with your boss. Do not delete any emails that apply to the request.
  • Be reasonable and flexible. Your strongest advocate is you, so be prepared to negotiate.

 Discrimination

What if you’ve been discriminated against because you suffer from a mental illness? There are legal protections available for you:

  • If the employer is a private one covered by the ADA, then you have to reach out to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). File a complaint at the EEOC’s website, www.eeoc.gov.
  • If, however, the employer is a federal agency, like a school or governmental employer, then you must reach out to the Equal Employment Opportunity Office (EEO). File a complaint at the EEOC’s website, federal division.
  • States have protections as well. If you’ve been discriminated against despite these laws, look up your state’s Fair Employment Practice Agency (FEPA).
  • The Department of Labor manages the FMLA. If you’ve been denied your legal right to twelve weeks of unpaid leave, then contact them.

There are several protections available to you should you choose to disclose your mental illness to your employer. Whether or not you should is completely up to you. As we said, you might face stigma from your coworkers or bosses, but if you’ve been discriminated against, you can file complaints. You have a right to accommodations. All you have to do is take that step forward.

Final Thoughts

How and when to disclose your mental illness can be intense, deeply personal decisions. But they don’t have to consume you. Here’s an overview of the masterpost:

When to Disclose:

  • Whenever you’re well.
  • When you need people to understand.
  • When you’re ready.

How to Disclose to Friends:

  • Bring your bipolar disorder up in casual conversation.
  • Describe the steps you’re taking to manage your condition
  • Demonstrate the empathy the illness has given you.
  • Keep in mind your boundaries and your friends’ comfort levels.

How to Disclose to Your Employer to get the Accommodations you Deserve:

  • Contact HR
  • Write down your specific request.
  • Get proof of your mental illness from your treatment team.
  • Take notes at every conversation you have with your boss. Do not delete any emails that apply to the request.
  • Be reasonable and flexible in advocating for yourself.

Only you can decide when, how, and to whom to disclose your mental illness. You may face stigma and discrimination for it. But those true friends who do stick around–and those accommodations you’ll earn from your employer–are worth it, in my opinion.

Best of luck disclosing your mental illness.

I wish you well in your journey.

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bipolar parent

100 Doable Self-care Ideas for When You’re Suffering from Depression

Self-care is crucial to your functioning. It’s taking responsibility for your own health. When I called a warmline and told the operator my depression was overwhelming me, he told me I “needed a big dose of self-care.”

But taking care of yourself is so much more than bubble baths and painting your toenails. There are so many ways to take care of yourself. Read on for 100 doable self-care ideas for when you’re suffering from depression. Don’t feel that you need to do all of this list; one or two can contribute to a better mood.

100 Doable Self-care Ideas for When You’re Suffering from Depression

100 Self-Care Ideas for People With Depression. Tips to take care of yourself when you're suffering.

      1. Be patient with yourself. Being patient with yourself is one of the best ways you can practice self-care. If you’re mindful and allow yourself to let your negative emotions wash off you like water off a duck’s back, then the depression won’t be able to impact you as badly. If you’re patient with yourself and allow yourself to roll with the punches, then you’ll feel better.
      2. Practice self-care in snippets. Ideally, you’d have more than an hour to spend on yourself. But the busy people and parents among us don’t have that luxury. If you can, practice some of these ideas in 5-minute bursts throughout the day.
      3. Talk and think about yourself in a supportive and positive way. Depression makes you feel as if you can’t control your thoughts. But you can! You can talk and think about yourself in a supportive and positive way. If you do that, then depression won’t make as much of a foothold in your life. You’ll still experience awful, overwhelming feelings, but you can control how you react to them.
      4. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Get mad and punch a pillow. Feel sad and cry. Feel happy, and smile. You are allowed.
      5. Drink water. Hydration is so important to a healthy body and mind. You’re not at your best when you’re dehydrated. Take a day to focus on drinking a gallon of water. Even if you do nothing else but drink, you’ll win the day.
      6. Eat just enough nutritious food to feed your body. When I’m depressed, I either overeat or don’t eat anything at all. I highly recommend pacing yourself, and eating just enough nutritious food to feed your body. For 22 easy meals to make while you’re depressed, click here.
      7. Indulge in some ice cream or another sweet treat. Depression is no time to stick to a diet. You’re in crisis mode. Give yourself permission to indulge once in a while.
      8. Set realistic expectations. I have a to do list that’s regularly 15-20 items per day. Even if I didn’t sleep, I wouldn’t be able to complete the list. Don’t do what I do. Set realistic expectations for your day. If that’s only drinking water (tip #5) or eating a nutritious meal (#6), that’s fine.
      9. Try to think of 5 things that you are grateful for. If you pray, pray a prayer of gratitude. Try to think of 5 things that you are happy to have, like physical health, shelter, food, clean water, sick days at work, or whathaveyou.
      10. Text someone. If you have someone like a supportive friend or family member, text them and let them know that you’re thinking of them. You’ll be reminded that you’re not alone. If you don’t have a friend or family member, then email me, and I promise that I will email you back.
      11. Go outside. Rising from your bed is the last thing you want to do. Trust me, I’ve been there. But staying in bed all day doesn’t help. In fact, that can worsen or prolong feelings of intense sadness. If you go outside and breathe some fresh air, then your mood may lift.
      12. Clean the closest surface to you, like a nightstand. Studies show clutter deepens and prolongs feelings of depression. If you can clean the closest surface to your bed, like a nightstand, then you’ll have both a feeling of accomplishment and a clear surface to look at.
      13. Say “no” to some things. Feeling overwhelmed is common when suffering depression. If you can, say no to some things filling your schedule. Freeing up enough space to let yourself heal is one of the best things you can do for depression.
      14. Say “yes” to things you normally enjoy. Saying “yes” to things you normally enjoy may help lift your mood.
      15. Take your medication and attend therapy sessions. Taking your medication daily is crucial for your mental health. Trust your treatment team to have your best interests at heart.
      16. Get enough sleep, but not too much. Sometimes when we’re depressed, we can sleep too little or too much. Making sure you have good sleep hygiene is so important to your daily functioning,
      17. Play. Playing is a fantastic way to lift your mood. When I’m consciously practicing self-care, I set some time aside to play my favorite video game, Kingdom Hearts. An operator on the warmline I called told me that if killing virtual monsters helps me feel better, “then slaughter away!”
      18. Avoid or reduce caffeine. Caffeine can make you feel wired and awful. Try a cup of herbal tea instead.
      19. Write down your to-dos, but don’t write too many. Setting yourself a few miniature goals during the day will help give you clarity and focus. Just don’t overwhelm yourself with tasks, like I often do.
      20. Cull or avoid social media. Social media is a pit sometimes. People have nasty fights about political issues or curate their “perfect” lives. Try to avoid Facebook and Twitter while you’re depressed, and only friend people you personally know.
      21. Journal. Write down everything that comes to mind until you can’t write anymore. You don’t need to examine these feelings later, just work through them now.
      22. Take a shower or a bath. Hygiene is often neglected during depressive episodes. I know it’s the first thing that goes out the window when I’m depressed. Make sure to take time to shower or bathe and you’ll feel loads better.
      23. Brush your teeth. Similar to bathing, one of the things I struggle with when I’m feeling down is brushing my teeth. Take care of your mouth and it will take care of you.
      24. Read a book. Studies have shown that six minutes of reading a book lowers stress and anxiety. Feel free to indulge in one of the best pastimes.
      25. Write a list of compliments about yourself. Writing a list of compliments about yourself is probably one of the hardest ideas for self-care to put into practice when you’re depressed. But trashing yourself doesn’t help. Try to compliment your bouncy hair, your intelligence, or your ability to keep Fido alive.100 Self-Care Ideas for People With Depression. Tips to take care of yourself when you're suffering.

      1. Stroke a pet. Speaking of Fido, stroking a pet has been proven to increase dopamine and improve mood. If you don’t have a pet, curl up with a cuddly toy.
      2. Paint. You don’t have to be an artist to paint. Painting, like coloring, calms the soul, and is a cheap activity to start. All you need is some paint, some water, paper, and some brushes.
      3. Buy yourself flowers or a scented candle. Don’t wait for someone else to buy you flowers. Show yourself some love.
      4. Bake something delicious. Baking can be calming and meditative, and you’ll end up with a tasty product at the end of it.
      5. Declutter your clothes. Decluttering sounds like a chore, and an overwhelming one at that, but getting rid of excess items can be immensely freeing and satisfying.
      6. Dance. Put on some energetic music and dance like no one is watching. If you get your heart rate up, you’ll probably feel better.
      7. Fix a small annoyance. If something has been bugging you, just fix the problem, or make a plan to fix it.
      8. Listen to music. When I’m feeling down, music tends to lift me up again, or–in the case of energetic music played on my headphones–gets me going. Play your favorite pop songs, classical tunes, or hard rock music. Whatever you’re into, give relaxing by listening a try.
      9. Avoid the news. Take a break from all the negativity on the news. Most news is trying to sell you something, be it a product that will supposedly make you feel better, or a bad attitude which will cause you to turn to retail therapy. Depression and the news cycle don’t mix.
      10. Don some comfy clothes. Putting on comfortable clothes that usually make you feel like a million bucks may help you feel better when in the midst of depression.
      11. Paint your toenails. Yes, painting your toenails is the cliché, quintessential form of self-care, but it deserves to be mentioned because it’s what most people think of when they think self-care. Painting your toenails can be expressive, creative, and relaxing.
      12. Take a multi-vitamin. Taking a multi-vitamin may not seem like it will do much for immediate self-care. It’s true that vitamins require a cumulative effect in order to work well, but even taking one can help your body operate better.
      13. Go to bed at the same time every night.
      14. And then rise at the same time every morning. Good sleep hygiene is crucial for getting good sleep. Going to bed at the same time every night and subsequently rising at the same time every morning are excellent ways to ensure that you sleep well.
      15. Plan out your day the night before. Part of planning your day out the night before is setting to do lists (tip #19). This is a great aspect of self-care. If you set yourself reasonable expectations of yourself the night before, you’re more likely to get the things done on the day of. You won’t flounder without a plan.
      16. Eat breakfast daily. Breakfast is colloquially known as the most important meal of the day. Studies show that eating breakfast daily can lower our chances of obesity and high blood pressure.
      17. Put some lotion all over your body.
      18. Groom yourself. Shave your legs if you’re into that, pluck your eyebrows, brush your hair for a longer period of time than usual. If you’re freshly-groomed, you may feel better.
      19. Learn something new.
      20. Try breathing in some essential oils. Some essential oils, like lavender and cinnamon, have a calming effect on the mind and body.
      21. Blow yourself a kiss in the mirror. You might feel silly showing yourself some love, but just try it.
      22. Watch your favorite movie.
      23. Find a way to give. Being generous to others inspires an attitude of gratitude, and helps you feel better about yourself. Try volunteering at a food bank or soup kitchen.
      24. Drink a hot cup of coffee or tea.100 Self-Care Ideas for People With Depression. Tips to take care of yourself when you're suffering.

      1. Go to the library. Taking a few moments to be among books can be rejuvinating, especially if it’s in total silence and away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
      2. Go dig in the dirt. Digging in the dirt can raise your heartrate and help you indulge your connection to nature.
      3. Play a game of solitaire.
      4. Play a cooperative board game with friends and family.
      5. Stretch. Stretching your shoulders can help relieve tension.
      6. Try adult coloring books. Coloring relaxes many people. Adult coloring books have more complicated pictures to delight the senses.
      7. Double recipes. When you have the energy to cook, try doubling or tripling a recipe and freezing the excess for another meal on another day. If you meal prep ahead of time, then you won’t have to worry about cooking on days when you just can’t do anything productive.
      8. Close your eyes and picture yourself in a place that soothes you.
      9. Take a cat nap.
      10. Make a craft. Engaging in your creative side is one of the best ways to relax.
      11. Stop “shoulding” on yourself. “Should” is, overall, a negative word, which places a lot of undue expectations on yourself. Take “should” out of your vocabulary.
      12. Listen to a podcast or TED talk.
      13. Watch a comedian on YouTube.
      14. Educate yourself on a problem you have. If you are facing an illness or a problem, do some research on what the issue is so you can make a plan of attack. Learn about what you’re facing so you can know what to expect and where to get support.
      15. Browse your favorite blog.
      16. Write a good review of a place or restaurant you actually enjoy going to.
      17. Attend a group or individual therapy session. Therapy is one of the best ways to take care of yourself, provided you have a good therapist. Online support groups can help as well.
      18. Make a Spotify playlist.
      19. Ask a good friend to name three things he or she loves about you.
      20. If you can’t give up social media, dedicate a week to saying only positive things on your favorite platform. Not allowing yourself to engage in negativity will help your mood.
      21. Name your emotions without judging them. Naming your emotions without judging them is similar to allowing yourself to feel your feelings (tip #4), but this time, you identify what you’re feeling. Putting a name to your emotions helps you control them.
      22. Tell your pet your darkest secrets. Your pet will still love you, even if you tell them your darkest secrets.
      23. Take 15 minutes to write down everything bothering you, and your feelings about them. Then burn the paper.
      24. Get a massage.
      25. Walk barefoot on the grass.
      26. Build something with LEGOs.
      27. Play with playdough. You may feel like a kid again by playing with playdough, but that’s not a bad thing. Playdough engages both your hands and your creative side. So do LEGOs (tip #75).
      28. Eat your favorite comfort foods.
      29. Go see a movie at the theater all by yourself.
      30. Plan an extravagant vacation for fun. You don’t need to actually go on a vacation in order to plan out what you’d do. Planning is part of the fun.
      31. Make a homemade facemask. Readers’ Digest has some great facemask recipes for you to use here.
      32. Sing at the top of your lungs. You might feel silly singing at the top of your lungs, but doing so will force you to breathe deeply, which brings oxygen to your brain.
      33. Light candles around the house. Bonus points if the candles you light are scented and the scents are pleasing to you.
      34. Watch old Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood videos online.
      35. Wrap yourself up in a blanket just pulled from the dryer.
      36. Turn down the lights and give yourself permission to do absolutely nothing.
      37. Ask for help. If you have friends or family or a treatment team, ask them for help. Don’t be shy about getting support during a depressive episode; we all need help sometimes.
      38. Read inspirational stories.
      39. Read positive quotes.
      40. Take your dog or a friend’s dog out for a walk. Not only will walking a dog get you moving, it’s good for the dog, too.
      41. Do a 10-minute body scan technique to check in with every part of your body. Start scanning your body with your feet. How are they feeling? Move up to your legs, knees, hips, belly, and so on, checking in with each part of your body. What is your body telling you? Are you dehydrated? Hungry? Is it time for a nap? Listen to your body.
      42. Intentionally find five beautiful things around the house or on the way to work.
      43. Make a gift for someone.
      44. Pray. If you’re religious–or even if you’re not–praying can help you center yourself. If you don’t pray, try meditation.
      45. Focus on your breathing for 5 minutes.
      46. Soften your expectations of yourself and of others.
      47. What are you good at? Try to use your talents.
      48. “Turn the other cheek.” Be the better person when someone has wronged you. Try to forgive someone who has hurt you personally, whether or not they’ve apologized.
      49. Go on a walk and take pictures of anything that catches your eye.
      50. Listen to meditative sounds, like monks chanting.
      51. Give yourself permission to only do one self-care activity per day. When you’re depressed, the last thing you want is a list of things to do. Give yourself permission to only try one self-care activity per day.

    100 Self-Care Ideas for People With Depression. Tips for taking care of yourself when you're suffering.

    Final Thoughts

    If you’ve made it through the entire list, that’s awesome. You don’t have to do all of these self-care ideas, especially not all at once. You don’t even have to do any of them. If you’ve eaten, drank water, and taken a shower, you’ve won the day. Taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can engage in self-care a little at a time.

    I wish you well in your journey.

    Related:

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How to Break Tasks Down into Bite-Sized Pieces when You Have Depression

How to break tasks down into bite-sized pieces when you have depression - CassandraStout.com

Depression can make even the smallest of projects feel overwhelming and not worth doing. When you’re depressed, your natural inclination is to crawl into bed and stay there. You want to neglect what you need to do, from cleaning your home, feeding yourself, and taking care of pets or children.

But what if you could break those overwhelming tasks into smaller, bite-sized pieces? Then you could tackle them one at a time and truly make some progress, incremental as it might be.

1. Examine the Task. Is it a Task or a Project?

The first thing you need to do to break tasks into bite-sized pieces is to examine the task. Is it really a task, or is it a project? A task is something you can do in one sitting, in less than an hour. Whereas a project is a series of smaller tasks leading to one accomplishment. It’s important to make a clear distinction between the two.

Projects aren’t just for work or school. Anything we want to do can be classified as a project.

If you have a task that you want to break down into tasks, continue reading the next section. But if your task is actually a project, then skip to the third.

2. Break Tasks Down into Steps

You might think of something as simple as “load the dishwasher” as a task, and you’d be right. It’s easy to get done in one sitting. When we’re stable, doing the dishes is automatic, and we don’t generally balk at the amount of work the task takes. But there are a series of steps to loading the dishwasher. If you’re suffering from depression, breaking down any task into smaller action steps can be helpful.

To load the dishwasher, you need to:

  1. Gather dishes from around the house.
  2. Set dishes down on the counter, not the sink.
  3. Clear the sink.
  4. Fill the sink with hot, soapy water to aid in soaking stubborn grime off of dirty dishes.
  5. Place dishes that need soaked in the sink.
  6. Open the dishwasher.
  7. Pull out the bottom rack.
  8. Load the large items, like pots.
  9. Load the plates.
  10. Load the bowls.
  11. Load the silverware.
  12. Take the dishes that were soaking out of the sink, which fit on the bottom rack, out.
  13. Load those.
  14. Put the bottom rack back.
  15. Pull out the top rack.
  16. Load the cups.
  17. Load the serving utensils.
  18. Load Tupperware.
  19. Load Tupperware lids.
  20. Take the dishes that were soaking in the sink, which fit on the top rack, out.
  21. Put away the top rack.
  22. Fill the soap holder with soap.
  23. Close the dishwasher.
  24. Set the cycle.
  25. Turn on the dishwasher.
  26. Drain the sink.
  27. Wipe out the sink.

Wow, 27 steps for one task! Seems overwhelming, doesn’t it? And if you have depression, your inclination is to stop at any one of those steps. So often we don’t even start on a task because it just seems like we’ll never get it done.

But don’t think of the task as “27 steps” or a big picture, “load the dishwasher.” Rather, think of the task as the next step on the list.

So if you’re just starting out, gather the dishes. Then set them on the counter. Then…. Surprisingly, if you’re moving quickly (which is hard to do with depression, I know), loading the dishwasher takes 5-6 minutes, tops.

Try breaking down another task, like clearing the nightstand or making your bed. Making your bed is a simple task to break down:

  1. Pull up sheets.
  2. Pull up blankets.
  3. Fluff pillows.

That’s it. There’s only three steps to making a bed, which is why the task takes roughly thirty seconds.

Next time you’re facing a task, try writing down every step you can think of. Then put them in the order that you need to accomplish. Then tackle the task, one step at a time.

Easy, right?

But what about projects?

3. Break Projects Down into a Series of Tasks

Rather than looking at a project as the entire enchilada, like “plan John’s birthday party,” look at the project as a series of tasks, which you can then break down into single action steps. 

In the party planning example, the tasks can be sorted into different categories, such as food, invitations, or beverages. A task under the invitations category would be to get stamps; another would be to gather all addresses in the same place.

When cleaning your house, you can break projects down into different parts. Your bedroom is one part. The kitchen is another. And so on.

When starting a blog, you can break that project down into different phases. For example, you’ll write posts, edit them, and finally publish them.

These three ways to break projects down can help you see in what order you need to carry out the tasks in the project.

Final Thoughts

You don’t have anything to lose by taking a hard look at your project list. If you can put off some projects until you’re feeling better, then do so. Managing depression is a project all in its own.

But for those you can’t put off, try brainstorming which tasks need done for that project, and then break them down further into single action steps after sorting those tasks into categories, phases, or parts.

This is no small feat when you’re depressed, I know. But just try it.

I wish you well in your journey.

What projects are on your to-do list? Let me know in the comments!

Related: 

How to break tasks down into bite-sized pieces when you have depression - CassandraStout.com

bipolar parent

22 Easy Meals to Make While Depressed

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Credit to flickr.com user Rool Paap. Used with permission under a Creative Commons license.

It’s an unfairness of the universe that, even while depressed, you still have to eat. Cooking is a useful skill to have, but who has the energy to cook when you don’t even have it to shower? Here’s some tips and a list of  22 meals to try when depressed.

Basic Tips

  • First, I recommend purchasing paper bowls and plates. You won’t feel like washing dishes when you’re down in the dumps.
  • Next, if it’s not overwhelming, print out this entry and stick it to the fridge so you have a list to refer to when you’re zoning out and can’t figure out what to eat.
  • Now is the time to decide whether ordering groceries online for delivery is worth it.
  • Think about setting alarms on your phone for when it’s time to eat. I recommend 9am, 12pm, and 5:30pm.
  • Assess whether meeting weight loss goals is doable, and consider letting them go temporarily, until you feel better.
  • And consider locking up your alcohol. It does no one good when depressed.

Hopefully, this list of meals will help make cooking easier.

Baked Chicken Breasts

Baked chicken can be the foundation of many meals. And the preparation is incredibly easy: simply place the chicken breasts in a casserole dish and bake for 55 minutes at 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Top with the condiments of your choice and serve with microwave veggies for a quick meal. Other options are to add chopped chicken to pasta, a bowl of spinach, eggs, tortillas, or rice.

Tortellini Soup

Tortellini Soup is one of the easiest recipes out there. It takes three ingredients, one of which is optional. I often make this meal for my family when I don’t feel like cooking.

Ingredients:

  • cheese-filled tortellini
  • 4 cups chicken broth
  • cheese (optional)

1. Bring chicken broth to a boil.
2. Add tortellini. Reduce heat to medium-high and boil for seven minutes.
3. Top with cheese, if desired. Serve with microwave vegetables or salad.

Mexican Rice

This is an easy meal which only involves one pot, if you don’t use a rice cooker.

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups long grain rice
  • 4 cups water
  • 1 can black beans, drained
  • 1 can corn, drained
  • 1 jar of salsa
  • cheese, optional
  • sour cream, optional

1. Bring water to a boil. Add rice and reduce heat to medium-low. Cover and steam rice for twenty minutes without removing the lid. Fluff with a fork.
2. Add other ingredients and stir. Heat on medium-high.
3. Top with cheese and sour cream if desired.

Everyday Cassoulet

Everyday Cassoulet is a French bean stew which is tasty and hearty. It takes about twenty minutes cook time and very little brain power to prepare. The longer you cook it, the better it tastes. Make this recipe when you’re feeling slightly ambitious.

Ingredients:

  • kielbasa sausage
  • one can of black beans, undrained
  • one can of great northern beans, undrained
  • one can of red kidney beans, undrained
  • 3 tsp of thyme
  • one can of tomato sauce
  • 2 tbsp of brown sugar
  • cheese (optional)
  • sour cream (optional)

1. Chop the kielbasa sausage. Add to pot.
2. Add other ingredients. Bring to a boil, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat and simmer for twenty minutes.
3. Top with cheese and sour cream, if desired.

Five-Minute Meals

Here’s a quick and dirty list of meals found around the web that require only five minutes of prep time. These are level 0 meals, when you’ve just dragged yourself out of bed and are tempted to go back.

  • Peanut butter + banana + toast. Yes, that counts as a whole meal.
  • Scrambled eggs + salsa + cheese. Add chopped pepper if you’re feeling up to it. Serve with toast to round out the meal.
  • Guacamole + salsa + cheese + tortilla. Premade guac is more expensive but can be worth it.
  • Ensure meal replacement shake.
  • Cheese + crackers.
  • Cashews + dried fruit + chocolate.
  • Toast + hummus + avocado.
  • Microwave bags of vegetables.
  • Premade salad kit.
  • Microwave sweet potato (five minutes on each side) + one can of black beans + salsa + cheese.
  • Can of tuna + mayo + toast.
  • Peanut butter + jelly + toast.
  • Toast + mayo + turkey + cheese.
  • Cottage cheese + toast.
  • Greek yogurt.
  • Hummus + baby carrots.
  • Instant oatmeal.
  • Blend Greek yogurt + frozen fruit + milk for a delicious smoothie high in protein.

I hope this list of tips and meals helps you when you find yourself in the middle of a flare up. Remember to be kind to yourself. Depression is no joke, and self-care is critical, especially eating–even when you’d rather do anything else.