episode – The Bipolar Parent

This post appeared on the International Bipolar Foundation’s website here.

As a social lubricant, alcohol takes top billing.

But if you have a mental illness like bipolar disorder, alcohol and other substances tend to tank your mental health.

I’m not going to lie: alcohol temporarily helps decrease the suffering that comes from bipolar disorder. For many people, it feels great to drink, which is why studies show that there’s a 58% lifetime prevalence of co-occurring alcohol use disorders in individuals with bipolar I disorder.

But in the long run, alcohol is known to make bipolar mood episodes much, much worse. Drinking increases feelings of depression due to alcohol’s sedating effects and dramatically boosts the severity of manic symptoms.

I don’t drink. I’ve never had more than a sip of my husband’s Christmas-only chocolate martinis. There’s one main reason why I don’t:

I’m scared to lose control.

It’s a visceral reason, something on a gut level that all humans experience: fear.

I’m scared. I’m scared that the stability I’ve worked so hard to earn over the years will spiral down the drain if I drink. I’m scared that more than a sip of alcohol will have me dancing on tables and shoot me into a full-blown manic episode. I’m scared that I’ll never recover from the inevitable crash and I’ll end up taking my own life.

My family has a history of addiction. I am scared that I’ve inherited those addictive behaviors and won’t be able to stop drinking once I start.

So the most powerful reason for me to never start drinking is fear of loss of control.

This may be an irrational fear. I may be able to control my impulses. I may be able to drink one drink a day and stop, indulging only a little at a time.

But given that I have bipolar disorder, a disease marked by impulsivity and addictive behaviors, I don’t want to take the risk of drinking, even responsibly.

Yes, not drinking means that people look at me funny at parties. It means I’m always the designated driver. It means that I’m often the sole sober person in a room full of drunk people, which can be funny sometimes and astonishing at others.

Staying sober means that I don’t have the social lubricant available to me, nor do I have a chemical way to unwind at the end of the day, which sounds tempting while being as wired and restless as I usually am in the evenings.

But it also means I am less likely to spin out into a manic episode that damages me and my family. Not drinking means my medications stay effective and I am less likely to suffer fatal toxicity.

Because I’ve never drunk, it’s easier for me to abstain than someone with an alcohol use disorder. I can’t look at an addict and say, “Hey, you should stop drinking. It’s bad for you” with any results.

However, I can say that drinking alcohol if you have bipolar disorder is bad for you, especially if you take an antidepressant.

Alcohol counteracts the effects of your medication, which can lead to an increase in suicidal thoughts. Also, if you take MAOIs, a special kind of antidepressant, your blood pressure could rise quickly, and you could end up with a stroke. Also, sometimes fatal toxicity can happen because your liver just can’t handle the combination of alcohol and medications.

And that’s just the meds. Alcohol has been demonstrated in research to make bipolar disorder symptoms dramatically worse. And if you have a dual diagnosis of alcohol use disorder and bipolar disorder, each issue can worsen the other, making both difficult to treat.

So protecting your mental health, even out of fear, is a great reason not to drink, and for me, to never start.

You may not be afraid of alcohol like I am. That’s good! I’m glad you’re able to handle drinking responsibly. But be careful. Alcohol use disorder is an easy disease to slip into; like I said at the beginning of this post, 58% of people with bipolar I suffer from a drinking problem. That’s more than half of us.

If you’re struggling with controlling your drinking – you drink too fast or too often – then help is available. Most people with alcohol use disorder can benefit from treatment.

If you have a drinking problem, medications and behavioral treatments are available to help you conquer it. Twelve-step programs offer valuable peer support. Contact your general practitioner today to see what resources are available to you in your community.

Whether you drink alcohol is your choice. Be careful to make sure you don’t bear the cost of drinking too much.

I wish you well in your journey.

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When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder thirteen years ago, I had no idea what what that meant.

I have a chronic mental illness? What does that mean for the rest of my life? I thought.

I wished that I had someone to guide me, someone who had survived and thrived with their own bipolar disorder and could help me understand what this truly meant for me and my family.

I have been stable–and happy!–for about seven years, so I am glad to share my experience with others in the hopes of helping them. Here are the 5 things I wish someone would have told me when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

1. It Gets Better

This is the most important item on the list. Facing down an alarming diagnosis and a years-long recovery from my postpartum psychotic break, I desperately needed to hear “it gets better.”

After the break, I spent years nearly-dying in the black pit that is depression. I could not care for my infant son, leaving dirty diapers on the living room floor for weeks because I couldn’t summon the wherewithal to pick them up. Even when he aged into preschool, I was still fighting to survive.

If I had someone tell me that I would eventually come out whole and healed on the other side, I don’t know if I would have believed them at the time, but I would have looked back with gratitude.

Telling someone in the midst of a bad situation “it gets better” can help them, especially when you yourself have lived through a similar situation. If you can expound upon how you survived your own challenges, even better.

2. You May have Mixed Feelings About Your Diagnosis

When I was given the label of “bipolar disorder,” I was by turns both devastated and elated:

Devastated because I had no idea what being bipolar would mean for me and my family. Elated because I finally had a label that made sense.

The label explained so much about my behaviors until that point. I wanted to tell everyone I’d ever met that I had bipolar disorder–an impulse in the midst of a manic episode that my husband gently cautioned me against.

I found myself vacillating between utter despair at the fact that I had a mental illness that would never go away and happiness at the fact that I could start working towards recovery with a targeted approach.

You may feel mixed feelings about your diagnosis. Your feelings, whatever they are, are valid, and they don’t change your inherent value as a person. Feel whatever emotions you feel, accept them, and move on.

3. Your Meds are Crucial for Recovery

When I was first diagnosed, I had a difficult time remembering to take my medication. But once my psychiatrist prescribed me the right ones, I found that when I took my pills–and took them on time–I stabilized rather quickly.

Bipolar disorder is no joke. Many people, especially those of us with Bipolar I, cannot manage their condition without psychiatric care. I know I can’t; without my anti-psychotic and anti-depressant, I would be in a very dark place.

I wouldn’t wish my depression on anyone. Without my medication, I would not have recovered. Thankfully, with a combination of medication that works for me and talk therapy, I have been stable for years.

Take your meds. They’re there to help you. Taking medication doesn’t make you weak; quite the opposite. It’s the first step towards stabilization; the first step towards healing. No one looks down on a diabetic for taking insulin, and bipolar meds are the same: life-saving.

4. Be Honest with Your Family About Your Diagnosis

Being honest with your family about your diagnosis is probably one of the hardest parts of being diagnosed. You now have a label that carries with it a certain amount of stigma.

Like me, your family will be confused about what a chronic mental illness means for them. Hopefully they’ll want to support you in this new journey of yours.

If I hadn’t been honest with my husband, my biggest supporter, he would not have been able to respond in an appropriate manner to my bipolar mood episodes. Whether it was hypomania, mania, or depression, my episodes are dangerous to my family, as I can’t concentrate on anything but my moods and whims.

So communicating honestly with him, though extremely difficult at the beginning, became easier and easier as time went on.

Tell your family about your diagnosis. If you don’t let them in on what challenges you’re facing, they will never understand what your diagnosis means for you and for them.

5. Try to Find Cheerleaders

When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder thirteen years ago, my husband and I had just graduated college and moved 1500 miles away from our friends and family. I’d also given birth to our first child six days prior.

I had no new friends in the area we lived, and I felt alone facing my diagnosis. Making friends proved extremely difficult, but I wouldn’t trade the supporters I have now, who cheer me on through my various challenges, for the world. They have helped me handle my struggles with grace and gladness.

Finding a cheerleader or two is so important when you’re facing a diagnosis, especially if they’ve been in your shoes and can understand what you’re going through.

If you have existing friends willing to help you, that’s excellent! But if you feel truly alone, immerse yourself in groups of potentially-supportive people.

You can find these people online through Discord (a chatting service) servers centered around a common interest, like a show. Or you can attend support groups online or in-person, or ask your doctor what they recommend.

Relationship building takes a ton of effort and you may be overwhelmed, especially if you’re depressed. But your friends will be so worth it.

Conclusion

Dealing with a diagnosis like bipolar disorder may feel daunting. You may feel utterly overwhelmed, especially if you’re newly-diagnosed.

I’m here to offer suggestions and reassure you that yes, it gets better. Your possibly mixed feelings about your diagnosis are valid. Take your meds, be honest with your family, and try to find cheerleaders.

Your recovery and stabilization from bipolar disorder may take years. And that’s okay. Keep fighting the good fight. You’ve got this.

I wish you well in your journey.

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Tag: episode

Why I Choose to Abstain from Alcohol as a Woman with Bipolar Disorder

5 Things I Wish Someone had Told Me When I was Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder