This post appeared on the International Bipolar Foundation’s website here.
As a woman with bipolar I disorder, I suffer stupidly high highs and even lower lows. I’m sure that if you have bipolar disorder, whatever the flavor, you’re no stranger to how debilitating a mood episode can be.
For a crash course on what symptoms mark bipolar disorder so you can be prepared next time a mood episode strikes, click here.
So how do you take care of yourself when you’re suffering a mood episode? Read on for 5 general-purpose tips for handling mood episodes.
5 General-Purpose Tips for Handling Mood Episodes
I have used these five tips to manage my mood episodes for almost two decades:
Communicate with your caregivers.
Scale back on your to-do list.
Manage your sleep.
Stick to your daily routine.
Don’t use drugs or alcohol.
No matter the episode, be it mania or depression, these five tips will help you.
Tip #1: Communicate with Your Caregivers
Whether you’re tripping into mania or slipping into depression, your caregivers need to know. If you’re blessed enough to have a treatment team of therapists and psychiatrists, contact them as soon as you notice your burgeoning symptoms of a mood episode so they can adjust your treatment and head the episode off at the pass.
Your family also needs to know what’s going on. They will be impacted if your episode gets worse, so don’t keep the fact that you’re struggling from them. If they’re not supportive of your mental illness, at least tell a friend so you can get the help you need.
Tip #2: Scale Back on Your To-Do List
If I’m suffering from depression, I’m in survival mode, and so are you. When getting out of bed in the morning is a challenge, that is not the time to clean out the storage unit. Scale back on your to-do list and only do the tasks that are necessary for you and those who depend on you (like kids and pets) to function. Don’t pile guilt on yourself for not accomplishing as many things as you can when you’re feeling your best.
Similarly, when I’m manic, that’s the time when I’m most tempted to get everything done. But I’ve learned that racking up the accomplishments makes my brain spin out even further and the mania worse. Manic episodes are made of borrowed energy; the more energy I steal from my future self getting things done in a whirlwind, the harder the depressive crash.
Don’t hamstring your future self by spinning out further tackling your to-do list. Spend your energy containing the mania instead, and that means taking it easy.
Tip #3: Manage Your Sleep
When I’m depressed, I can sleep all day, every day. Indeed, when my son was in kindergarten, I would drop him off in the mornings and sleep until I picked him up in the afternoon, and then sleep after I’d fed him. Not my best moments.
Managing your sleep when you’re depressed is so important. Sleeping all day feeds into depression; the more you sleep, the more and the longer you suffer. So set yourself some alarms and try to force yourself to get up and stay up.
Conversely, when I’m manic, I don’t sleep at all, which worsens the manic episode a hundred times over. The less I sleep – and the less you sleep – the more we’ll spin out.
I know how hard it is to sleep when you’re manic. That’s why tip #1 is so important: tell your caregivers so your medication can be adjusted just to overcome the mood episode.
Try to manage your sleep when you’re manic. Even lying in bed with your eyes closed helps rest your hyperactive brain.
Tip #4: Stick to Your Daily Routine
If you have a daily routine and you’re suffering from a mood episode, stick to it as much as possible. Meeting your rocks of the day will keep you grounded whether you’re suffering from mania or depression.
Making sure you shower every other day when you have depression, for example, is easier when you have a habit to do so and you don’t have to think about it.
Similarly, when you’re manic, eating can sometimes get lost in the shuffle; if you eat at the same time everyday, it’s like a reset for your brain and keeps your blood sugar on an even keel, crucial for preventing crashes and hanger.
If you don’t have a daily routine, click here for a post on how to create one and why they’re so important when you have bipolar disorder.
Tip #5: Don’t use Alcohol or Drugs
When you’re in the pits of depression, it’s tempting to use alcohol to help make you feel better. But alcohol and drugs complicate bipolar disorder; even one drink can mess up your medication or worsen symptoms of a mood episode.
Similarly, drinking or using drugs screws up sleep, which is crucial for mania to wind down (see tip #3). Using substances isn’t worth the temporary mood boost in the end, and people with bipolar disorder tend to get addicted to substances mcuh more quickly than people without the mental illness.
The five tips I use to manage a mood episode boil down to these:
Communicate with your caregivers.
Scale back on your to-do list.
Manage your sleep.
Stick to your daily routine.
Don’t use drugs or alcohol.
These five tips, used in combination, will help you handle your bipolar mood episodes. You don’t have to use all of them, but even one step forward is a good one.
If you’ve found yourself struggling, make sure to let someone know. Help is out there for you, and it’s not too late to reach out to someone.
I’d like to announce a change for The Bipolar Parent: I will no longer be updating this blog, but will be continuing to post on Medium, a blogging website with an audience of hundreds of thousands.
If you’ve enjoyed my posts, please come follow me on Medium and clap for my articles! That would mean so much to me.
I am in the process of taking all my content from The Bipolar Parent and porting it over to Medium, so it will not be lost but instead moved over to a new platform. I will also be writing brand new posts sharing advice on how to manage your mental illnesses driven by my personal experience as a woman with bipolar disorder.
Thank you for encouraging me in my journey as a mental health blogger. I appreciate each and every one of my readers.
This post appeared on the International Bipolar Foundation’s website here.
As a social lubricant, alcohol takes top billing.
But if you have a mental illness like bipolar disorder, alcohol and other substances tend to tank your mental health.
I’m not going to lie: alcohol temporarily helps decrease the suffering that comes from bipolar disorder. For many people, it feels great to drink, which is why studies show that there’s a 58% lifetime prevalence of co-occurring alcohol use disorders in individuals with bipolar I disorder.
But in the long run, alcohol is known to make bipolar mood episodes much, much worse. Drinking increases feelings of depression due to alcohol’s sedating effects and dramatically boosts the severity of manic symptoms.
I don’t drink. I’ve never had more than a sip of my husband’s Christmas-only chocolate martinis. There’s one main reason why I don’t:
I’m scared to lose control.
It’s a visceral reason, something on a gut level that all humans experience: fear.
I’m scared. I’m scared that the stability I’ve worked so hard to earn over the years will spiral down the drain if I drink. I’m scared that more than a sip of alcohol will have me dancing on tables and shoot me into a full-blown manic episode. I’m scared that I’ll never recover from the inevitable crash and I’ll end up taking my own life.
My family has a history of addiction. I am scared that I’ve inherited those addictive behaviors and won’t be able to stop drinking once I start.
So the most powerful reason for me to never start drinking is fear of loss of control.
This may be an irrational fear. I may be able to control my impulses. I may be able to drink one drink a day and stop, indulging only a little at a time.
But given that I have bipolar disorder, a disease marked by impulsivity and addictive behaviors, I don’t want to take the risk of drinking, even responsibly.
Yes, not drinking means that people look at me funny at parties. It means I’m always the designated driver. It means that I’m often the sole sober person in a room full of drunk people, which can be funny sometimes and astonishing at others.
Staying sober means that I don’t have the social lubricant available to me, nor do I have a chemical way to unwind at the end of the day, which sounds tempting while being as wired and restless as I usually am in the evenings.
But it also means I am less likely to spin out into a manic episode that damages me and my family. Not drinking means my medications stay effective and I am less likely to suffer fatal toxicity.
Because I’ve never drunk, it’s easier for me to abstain than someone with an alcohol use disorder. I can’t look at an addict and say, “Hey, you should stop drinking. It’s bad for you” with any results.
However, I can say that drinking alcohol if you have bipolar disorder is bad for you, especially if you take an antidepressant.
Alcohol counteracts the effects of your medication, which can lead to an increase in suicidal thoughts. Also, if you take MAOIs, a special kind of antidepressant, your blood pressure could rise quickly, and you could end up with a stroke. Also, sometimes fatal toxicity can happen because your liver just can’t handle the combination of alcohol and medications.
And that’s just the meds. Alcohol has been demonstrated in research to make bipolar disorder symptoms dramatically worse. And if you have a dual diagnosis of alcohol use disorder and bipolar disorder, each issue can worsen the other, making both difficult to treat.
So protecting your mental health, even out of fear, is a great reason not to drink, and for me, to never start.
You may not be afraid of alcohol like I am. That’s good! I’m glad you’re able to handle drinking responsibly. But be careful. Alcohol use disorder is an easy disease to slip into; like I said at the beginning of this post, 58% of people with bipolar I suffer from a drinking problem. That’s more than half of us.
If you’re struggling with controlling your drinking – you drink too fast or too often – then help is available. Most people with alcohol use disorder can benefit from treatment.
If you have a drinking problem, medications and behavioral treatments are available to help you conquer it. Twelve-step programs offer valuable peer support. Contact your general practitioner today to see what resources are available to you in your community.
Whether you drink alcohol is your choice. Be careful to make sure you don’t bear the cost of drinking too much.
This post appeared on the International Bipolar Foundation’s website, here.
It seems everyone and their mother is traveling these days. And that includes those of us with mental illnesses. For those of us living with mental health conditions, especially bipolar disorder, breaking from our usual routine can have disastrous consequences.
You could slip into a depressive episode that takes weeks of care back at home to recover from. Or, the more likely and worse option: if you’re not careful with your meds or sleep, you could go manic.
So how do you travel with a mental illness? Read on for some tried and true tips from my own experience as a woman managing her bipolar disorder while traveling across the country while writing this post.
As you and I both know, good sleep hygiene is essential to managing our bipolar disorder. As a woman with bipolar I, when I get less than five hours of sleep in a night, my brain starts revving up and won’t stop.
Two nights of little sleep and I get irritable and tense, snapping at my family. My mind starts racing and I can barely keep track of my thoughts, making focus difficult to find.
This, my friends, is the beginning of a manic episode for me. If I don’t get my sleep back on track, I start losing control of myself, talking a mile a minute, and expressing bipolar rage.
Even if you don’t suffer the same consequences from missing a night of sleep, you must agree that sleep is crucial for not going manic, whatever level of manic that you experience. And sleep is necessary to ward off depressive episodes as well if your bipolar disorder trends toward depression.
So don’t do what I did this trip and book your flight for 7:15 am, necessitating a 3:45 am wake-up time. I couldn’t sleep the next night in the hotel and almost went manic, feeling exhausted but wired, but a good night’s rest the night after (last night as of this writing) set me to rights.
Almost. My shoulders are still tense and I am still wired, but the sleep took the edge off the manic episode. I’m carefully ensuring that I sleep well tonight by winding down before bed with a hot bath.
Don’t make my mistake. Prioritize sleep.
Stick to your normal day as much as possible
Routines are what get my family through the day and make managing my bipolar disorder much, much easier. If you don’t have a series of routines that you go through throughout the day, I highly, highly reccomed you start some.
(For a post on how to start creating and sticking to routines, click here.)
When you’re traveling, sticking to your normal day as much as possible is the easiest way to remember important things like taking your meds on time.
Back at home, I center my family’s day around our meals. We regularly eat at 9 am, 12 pm, and 5:30 pm. These are the rocks of our day, and everything else we do (morning park trip, afternoon study time, evening house cleaning) revolves around those bedrock times.
So I try to have my family eat at 9 am, 12 pm, and 5:30 pm when we travel, too.
Think about what you do every day at home and try to emulate that when you travel. Sticking to your normal day will help you remember crucial things, like the necessity of prioritizing sleep.
Prepare, prepare, prepare
As soon as you find out you’ll be traveling, make a packing list with everything you think you’ll need to have on hand to stick to your normal day. I have such a list on my phone, and I check the virtual boxes off when I’ve packed each item.
I highly recommend investing in a good backpack or cross-body bag. As the mother of two children, I carry a ridiculous amount of items with me, which I use regularly throughout the day. Travelling makes my backpack even more necessary.
Things I bring and carry on my person include:
Shelf-stable snacks. A blood sugar dip is the quickest way to get everyone hangry, and getting hangry is no way to be on a trip.
A first aid kit.
Three days of spare meds. These are important to have because you might find yourself in my situation yesterday: visiting family all day past the time when I was supposed to take my meds. If I don’t take my evening meds on time, I can’t sleep, which as we’ve discussed is my #1 priority when traveling. Luckily, I carried spare meds.
Water. Dehydration is the worst.
Masks for myself and the kids.
Chargers for various electronics and a portable battery.
My wallet with my ID, cell phone, and planner.
You absolutely do not have to carry all of these items or any of them, really. Your situation is undoubtedly different than mine as a mother with bipolar disorder. But the more you prepare for your trip ahead of time, the easier it will be to stick to your normal day and prioritize sleep.
If you’re traveling, you absolutely cannot suffer a mood episode. Not only will you not be at home where you can better take care of yourself, but you may also end up derailing the plans of your travel companions.
If you have bipolar disorder and you are planning a trip, pmake sure to prioritize sleep, stick to your normal day as much as possible, and prepare, prepare, prepare.
I have lived with and managed my bipolar I disorder for almost a decade and a half, having suffered a postpartum psychotic break and crippling postpartum depression.
Recovery was a long and winding road, but I can happily say that I have been stable for several years.
On this blog, I offer advice based on personal experiences, hoping to share to better your life by encouraging you to manage your mental health.
I have advice for you on topics ranging from how to identify and manage manic and depressive episodes to how to shield your children from the effects of your bipolar disorder to how to accomplish your to-do list during a depressive episode–and a lot more.
I hope you like your stay here. Here is the Master Link list to almost all of my posts. Enjoy the site, and thanks for stopping by!
Trigger Warning: This post contains a discussions of suicide. If you or someone you know is at risk of suicide, please:
Call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255
Text TALK to 741741
Or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.
For a post with a list of domestic crisis lines, click here.
For a post with a list of international crisis lines, click here.
This post appeared on The International Bipolar Foundation’s website, here.
It’s a time of joy for some, a time of horror for others, and a time of anxiety for most.
Becoming pregnant, regardless of the outcome, changes your life forever. And if you have a mismanaged mental illness that’s affected by maternal hormones like bipolar disorder, irrevocable damage can be done.
May is National Maternal Depression month in the U.S., a time to reflect and raise awareness for mothers who face challenges such as postpartum depression.
According to WebMD, “Pregnant women or new mothers with bipolar disorder have seven times the risk of hospital admissions compared to pregnant women who do not have bipolar disorder.”
And I was one of them.
Here are my completely different experiences with my two pregnancies and how I managed and mismanaged my bipolar disorder–and what a difference that made.
During my first pregnancy, warning signs of an undiagnosed, worsening bipolar disorder were missed or ignored by my obstetrician. As I wasn’t aware that I had a mental illness, my anxiety, depression, and mania–a mixed mood episode–quickly grew out of control and ravaged my mind and body.
Because of lingering issues centered around going hungry as a child, my manic fear that my new family would go hungry forced me to build a balcony garden with recycled tin cans and bulk soil purchased for pennies. I was terrified that my husband and I would run out of money despite his stable, high-paying job.
The garden never took off, and due to my burgeoning depression, I quickly became suicidal. I became obsessed with a show I saw once a week on television, Avatar: The Last Airbender, living only for new episodes. I forced my husband to watch the show, saying I identified with the sociopathic character who has a psychotic break in the end because I was so numb and messed up.
Faced with decorating a nursery on what I perceived to be a shoe-string budget, I dove in our apartment’s huge dumpster for mismatched, broken lamps, bassinets, and other baby items. I crammed our guest room/nursery so full of filthy items, we couldn’t even walk through the room.
I could not bond with my baby, instead concentrating on how awful I felt. I was jittery, depressed, irritable, lonely, and physically sick–I suffered from a condition called hyperemesis, which means I threw up several times a day for nine months straight.
Rather than gaining weight like I was supposed to, I lost thirty pounds and only gained back ten, and was placed on bedrest four months in. I lost even more weight after the baby was born. I started out the pregnancy at 148 pounds and ended it at approximately 100–not exactly a healthy weight for a 5’7” woman.
Throughout the pregnancy, I faced challenges such as social isolation (my husband and I had just moved 1500 miles away from friends and family for his job), limited mobility (I sprained my ankle and couldn’t drive), and completely wild hormones. It’s no wonder that I suffered a psychotic break after giving birth!
Fortunately, I committed myself to a mental hospital with the help of my therapist, whom I’d started seeing at the beginning of the pregnancy. The doctors there gave me an official diagnosis–bipolar I–as well as medication that saved my life.
Following the pregnancy, I suffered from a crippling postpartum depression that rewired me completely. I went from a bold, confident, intelligent young woman to someone fearful and constantly seeking validation from others.
It took me three long years and several medication changes to recover–and even now, 13 years later, I’m not quite 100% back to my former self.
However, three years after recovering from postpartum depression, when my first child was six, I was ready to try for another baby. My husband had always encouraged me to be in control of our reproductive choices, so he willingly agreed to a second pregnancy.
For the second pregnancy, I insisted on taking medication. I didn’t want to go back into the depths of suicidal depression. And I faithfully attended therapy once a week, discussing coping strategies I could use.
During the second pregnancy, I once again suffered from hyperemesis. I threw up 6-8 times per day from the moment I conceived until the day I gave birth.
Despite that, I my spirits were high and I didn’t suffer a massive depressive or manic episode. I was no longer depending on a television show to emotionally sustain me.
My routine of medication, therapy, and self-care kept the awful mood episodes at bay. I was sane, stable, and dare I say, happy. I was able to bond with my baby and suffered no ill effects after giving birth.
All things considered, except for the hyperemesis and bedrest, the second pregnancy was much closer to “normal” and expected for a healthy pregnancy. I certainly didn’t suffer as much emotional pain!
My bipolar disorder diagnosis–and appropriate approaches to treatment–made such a difference in my two pregnancies. After the first one, I was terrified to have more children; after the second, I considered having a third.
If you have bipolar disorder or even think you do, carefully consider the risks of getting pregnant before you embark on that journey. It may take you somewhere you don’t wish to be.
But there are steps you can take to sustain a safe and healthy pregnancy. Low-risk psychotropic medications are available to you. Talk therapy poses no risk to the baby. And a self-care routine prioritizing sleep can do nothing but good for you.
Are you feeling down in the dumps about your mental health?
It’s a catch-22 of depression: sometimes we feel depressed, and then we feel awful about feeling depressed.
But don’t feel bad. Sometimes we feel down, and that’s okay.
People around the world have words of wisdom to share about mental health. Here are 25 mental health quotes to give your mood a boost.
25 of the Best Mental Health Quotes
1. “The advice I’d give to somebody that’s silently struggling is: You don’t have to live that way. You don’t have to struggle in silence. You can be un-silent. You can live well with a mental health condition, as long as you open up to somebody about it, because it’s really important you share your experience with people so that you can get the help that you need.” — Demi Lovoto
2. “There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t.”— John Green
3. “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” — Albus Dumbledore
4. “It’s up to you today to start making healthy choices. Not choices that are just healthy for your body, but healthy for your mind.” — Steve Maraboli
5. “Gardens are not made by sitting in the shade.” — Rudyard Kipling
6. “This feeling will pass. The fear is real but the danger is not.” — Cammie McGovern
7. “Nobody can save you but yourself, and you’re worth saving. It’s a war not easily won, but if anything is worth winning then this is it.” — Charles Bukowski
8. “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to; it’s not for them.” — Joubert Botha
9. “One small crack does not mean that you are broken, it means that you were put to the test and you didn’t fall apart.” — Linda Poindexter
10. “She is beautiful piece of broken pottery, put back together by her own hands. And a critical world judges her cracks while missing the beauty of how she made herself whole again.” — J.M. Storm
11. “Your illness is not your identity. Your chemistry is not your character.” — Rick Warren
12. “Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but, importantly, YOU ARE NOT THE RAIN.” — Matt Haig
13. “If you are broken, you do not have to stay broken.” — Selena Gomez
14. “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
15. “Be confused, it’s where you begin to learn new things. Be broken, it’s where you begin to heal. Be frustrated, it’s where you start to make more authentic decisions. Be sad, because if we are brave enough we can hear our heart’s wisdom through it. Be whatever you are right now. No more hiding. You are worthy, always.” — S.C. Lourie
16. “Often it’s the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.” — Karen Salmansohn
17. “You are valuable just because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are.” — Max Lucado
18. “One of the things that baffles me (and there are quite a few) is how there can be so much lingering stigma with regards to mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder. In my opinion, living with manic depression takes a tremendous amount of balls. Not unlike a tour of Afghanistan (though the bombs and bullets, in this case, come from the inside). At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of. They should issue medals along with the steady stream of medication.” — Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking
19. “What does your anxiety do? It does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but it empties today of its strength. It does not make you escape the evil; it makes you unfit to cope with it if it comes.” — Raymond L. Cramer
20. “Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.” — Nido Qubein
21. “Everybody knows there is no such thing as normal. There is no black-and-white definition of normal. Normal is subjective. There’s only a messy, inconsistent, silly, hopeful version of how we feel most at home in our lives.” — Tori Spelling
22. “You are the one thing in this world, above all other things, that you must never give up on. When I was in middle school, I was struggling with severe anxiety and depression and the help and support I received from my family and a therapist saved my life. Asking for help is the first step. You are more precious to this world than you’ll ever know.” — Lili Rhinehart
23. “My dark days made me strong. Or maybe I already was strong, and they made me prove it.” — Emery Lord
24. “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.” — Abraham Lincoln
25. “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.”— Aristotle
Which quote was your favorite?
I hope these quotes helped you feel a little bit better, a little bit stronger, a little bit more at ease. Mental health is a journey, one which we don’t have to take alone.
If you’re struggling with your mental health, talk to someone today.
Everyone has it, and everyone has suffered from bad stress.
Good stress, called eustress, helps you and me meet deadlines, make dinners, and take care of the day-to-day tasks of daily functioning. But bad stress hitches up our shoulders and torpedoes our mental health.
Indeed, bad stress is terrible for people with bipolar disorder, frequently triggering depression, according to a 2002 review by the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry.
So how do you eliminate bad stress in your life to better manage your mental health?
Here’s how I do it.
You do not have to do every task yourself.
Being responsible for everything at work or at home is the fastest way to break a person with stress, especially someone who is predisposed to mental illness.
My answer to feeling responsible for everything is to delegate, delegate, delegate.
Talk to your higher-ups at work to see if you can get some help with major projects. Not everything can be delegated, obviously, but you can ask your co-workers to help you brainstorm solutions to problems or even possibly take on some tasks they would be able to do better than you when you’re overburdened.
According to an article on Indeed.com, asking for help at work involves considering whom to ask, thinking about your timing, and creating a list of potential solutions you’ve already tried.
With these steps, you can potentially lessen your workload.
Similarly, asking for help at home from your spouse, children, or roommates takes a similar approach.
Sometimes, especially parents, we’re reluctant to teach other people–including our children–to do chores because it’s easier to do the chore ourselves. But this is a trap that quickly leads to burnout.
You might find this parenting article by WebMD describing how to teach a rebellious teen how to clean helpful. Even if you’re not dealing with teenagers, but roommates or small children, the tips are sound.
Here are some of them:
Clean up your act first to be a good example.
Keep your cool.
Be absolutely clear about your expectations.
Have sensible consequences.
While dealing with adults who are reluctant to do chores, you don’t want to treat them like children. But the same principles apply; being consistent and clear about your expectations and coming to an agreement about consequences is key.
Good luck delegating!
2. Focus on Survival Tasks
When you lack spoons, a representation of energy and mental ability to tackle tasks in the moment, easy things to lack when you’re stressed and distressed, focus on survival tasks.
What I mean by survival tasks are those that contribute to the day-to-day functioning of daily life, as well as a bit of self-care.
“Feed the five-year-old” is a survival task. So is “clean the litterbox.” So is “work enough to keep my job.”
Some people, including myself, believe that showering is a survival task. I certainly believe that some sort of daily self-care is crucial, even if it’s just brushing your teeth.
(If you’re stuck on what self-care to do, click here for a fun, interactive, choose-your-own-adventure self-care quest.)
Until you’re in a position to delegate, pare that to-do list down to the very basics. Once you have conquered that depressive episode or lessened your burden by delegating, you’ll be free to pursue that creative hobby or clean out that storage unit.
3. Forgive Yourself for What You Don’t Get Done
There was a point in my life where I was struck down by postpartum depression.
Too busy sobbing my brains out and taking care of my tiny, helpless infant–and having never been taught how–I had no energy or ability to clean.
My little family–my baby, my husband, and me–lived in squalor. Dirty diapers littered the living room floor, moldy dishes flooded the sink, and the bathrooms were filthy.
Trying to establish himself in his new, stressful job, my husband worked 12-hour days and sometimes slept at the office, so he, too, was too exhausted to help.
We were miserable.
Two years later, my psychiatrist encouraged me to wean my son so I could take lithium. Once I was properly medicated, the clouds opened up, and I was able to start picking up the shattered pieces of my life.
Eleven years after I was prescribed lithium–and after finding a medication cocktail that worked to fully lift my depression and stabilize my manic/mixed episodes–I am stable and happy.
My advice to forgive yourself for what you don’t get done is hypocritical because I still struggle with doing so.
I still haven’t forgiven myself for the time when my brain was sick and I simply could not clean. I still hold myself accountable for that time.
But when I look at my bright, healthy, compassionate preteen son, I recognize that I did do something right in that time: I kept my child alive, and I took care of myself as best I could, which allowed him to thrive.
I have value beyond a clean house, and so do you. You can forgive yourself for the tasks you don’t get done, just like I know I can forgive myself for my inability to clean over the years.
It’s time to move on from past mistakes. If you’re holding past tasks over your head, forgive yourself.
You’ve earned it.
You can reduce stress in your life.
By delegating, focusing on survival tasks, and forgiving yourself for what you haven’t gotten done, you can reduce the burden in your life to better manage your mental health.
Disclosing your mental illness to other people is a huge decision. You have to consider not only whether your friends/employers will support you after you disclose, but also how and when to do so.
I tend to disclose within the first or second meeting, before I’m even attached to a friend. I am open about my bipolar disorder to almost everyone I meet.
Bipolar disorder is just a label; it’s a part of my life but it isn’t everything, and it explains why I’m sometimes unpredictable. And I have a strong support system, so I have little to lose by disclosing.
For further reading on how I became more comfortable sharing my bipolar diagnosis, click here.
I live in a liberal area of the U.S. and have had various reactions to my admitting that I have bipolar disorder, most of which were positive but some of which were disheartening. There are often three ways that friends and family react:
They are comfortable with your disclosure, nothing changes for the worse, and sometimes they’re better at supporting you.
They are incredibly uncomfortable and take steps to end the relationship with you.
They say that they are comfortable with you telling them this and then proceed to fade slowly from your life.
Obviously the first outcome is the best and most hoped for. While ending relationships are a concern, it’s entirely possible that they wouldn’t have been able to support you anyway, so it’s probably best that they disappear from your life.
When to Disclose Your Mental Illness
Telling someone about your mental illness takes a lot of courage. And you don’t have to tell anyone right away–or at all. Not everyone can live as openly as I do.
If you want to tell someone about your mental illness, tell them when:
You are well. You don’t want to wait until a mental health crisis hits to disclose to your friends that you have a mental illness. Disclosing when you’ve got your illness under control will give the people you disclose to time to adjust to the fact that you suffer from a disorder.
When you need people to understand. Sometimes, people who suffer from mental illnesses need special accommodations at work or school. Letting friends know the reason behind why you don’t want to hang out with them during a depressive spiral can prevent them from thinking you’ve grown distant. Telling people you have a mental illness is better when it serves a purpose.
When you’re ready. Disclosing your mental illness to friends, family, or even an employer is an intensely personal decision. Write down exactly what you want to say, and practice your words, either in front of the mirror or with a licensed professional. Talking to a therapist about your concerns may help put your mind at ease.
Although the “perfect” time to disclose depends on your relationship to the person and whether you’re well, honesty is almost always the best policy.
People don’t “need” to know that you’re mentally ill. Disclosing is your decision alone. But it may help explain some of your more erratic behaviors to the people you impact with them, which may help them give you grace when you suffer mood episodes.
When you choose to disclose is up to you. I’ve personally found that letting people know upfront that I have challenges they (usually) don’t is beneficial to both of us.
And if you’re dating someone, it’s always best to disclose that you have mood episodes sooner rather than later. For a more specific post on when to disclose your mental illness to your dates, click here.
Now that you know when to disclose, how do you do it?
4 General Tips on How to Disclose Your Mental Illness
You may have been curious to know how to disclose your mental illness to the people around you. Here are some tips to do just that.
1. Bring Your Disorder up in Casual Conversation
When I disclose my mental illness, I tend to bring it up in casual, low-stakes conversation.
If a potential parent friend asks about my children, I tell them a few facts about them (I have two, these are their names and ages, blah blah blah). Then I sometimes mention that the baby years were especially difficult because the sleep deprivation tended to make me manic, because I have bipolar disorder.
Despite its massive effect on my life, treating the illness as just something I have to deal with on a regular basis helps me.
I try not to trivialize the disorder–which is why I also sometimes bring up my postpartum psychotic break and how serious and painful it was–but I also tend to talk about my disorder as just a part of me.
This strategy normalizes the mental illness and allows you to determine the terms of how others perceive your bipolar disorder. If you treat the illness seriously but with grace, then other people may as well.
2. Describe the Steps You’re Taking to Manage Your Condition
Bipolar disorder is only as shocking as you allow it to be.
If you describe your bipolar disorder as this awful, paralyzing albatross, then both you and the person you’re talking to will form an opinion of you as being ravaged by your disorder and out of control.
Don’t let bipolar disorder rule your life even in the way you talk about it.
Try to describe the steps you’re taking to manage your bipolar disorder. Try to say things like, “I have bipolar disorder, which means I have to take medication and be vigilant about how much sleep I get.”
This lets people know you’re actively working towards stability, a heartening sign. Being friends with someone who’s unmanageable may scare some people away, as they might not be ready for a commitment like being constantly impacted by your wild moods.
3. Demonstrate How Your Bipolar Disorder Gives You Empathy
Even when getting to know my close friends, I would say things like, “Oh, yes, I understand a lack of focus–I have bipolar disorder and that makes focusing difficult.”
Mental health challenges are growing more and more common. A huge percentage of people struggle daily with problems like inability to focus, insomnia, or even mild, high-functioning depression.
Because your bipolar disorder is a series of mental health challenges itself, it has likely given you empathy for people who currently struggle with them. Don’t be afraid to show that empathy and let people know you understand their issues.
This shows them that you will not patronize them for their struggles, which may endear you to them.
4. If You Need it, Ask for Help
If you have a close relationship with someone, don’t be afraid to ask for help, especially from your employer (more on that below). If you believe they will be receptive, suggest ways your audience can support you.
This can involve asking for more breaks or other accommodations at work or school, or simply asking a friend to understand why you can’t hang out as long, especially at night, when you need more sleep.
You can also ask your loved ones to help you find a doctor and follow through with an appointment, if you feel that your friend or family member will understand and be helpful.
Set boundaries here, too: you know yourself best, and you need to explain whether you need advice or just need your audience to listen.
I have often “vented” to my close friends about how my mania makes me feel, especially when I’m in a manic state. I am upfront with my friends and family about whether I’m entering a mood episode, especially mania, and I describe the steps I’m taking to stabilize again.
4. Keep in Mind Your Boundaries on What to Share
You definitely don’t need to share everything. Plan ahead as to what you feel comfortable sharing about your experience. It’s perfectly reasonable to explain that you don’t feel like talking about something in particular.
If you do feel there are good parts to your illness, like things you’ve learned, try to share those. Remember, how others perceive your bipolar disorder is often about how you frame it, and what details you are comfortable sharing will shape how others feel about you.
I rarely have reservations when talking about my bipolar disorder, but there are friends for whom I wouldn’t go into detail about my postpartum psychotic break.
When I asked friends to read my book about the experience in the past, they frequently couldn’t read past the first paragraph because it was too painful for them to think of how much agony I experienced.
Some people can’t handle the nitty gritty of my illness and that’s okay. I still refer to my breakdown in general terms, but I don’t tell certain friends everything about it unless they express interest in reading my book (at which I warn them about how intense it is).
When sharing details about your mental illness, consider not only your comfort levels, but also your friends’, and what opinions you want them to have of you.
Disclosing your mental illness can be a deep and intense process, but it doesn’t have to be. Try bringing up your bipolar disorder in casual conversation, describe the steps you’re taking to manage your condition, demonstrate the empathy the illness has given you, and keep in mind your boundaries and your friends’ comfort levels.
If you’re disclosing to an employer, however, that’s a completely different ballgame. Here’s how to do that:
How to Disclose Your Mental Illness to an Employer
You know how and when to disclose your mental illness, and even if to disclose to family and friends. But what about your employer? Read on to learn how to protect yourself.
When choosing to disclose a mental illness at work, there are several factors to consider. You might face stigma from your coworkers–or worse, your bosses. Those you work with might not understand, or even want to understand, your daily struggle.
However, with disclosure might come special accommodations–like extra breaks–which are part of your civil rights. There are certain protections available to you.
You absolutely deserve those protections. If you’re in the US, don’t be afraid to disclose your condition to your employer so they can treat you fairly under the law.
Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA)
The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) is a protection that you should be familiar with. The ADA is just like it sounds like: a federal law that protects Americans with disabilities at private employers with more than fifteen employees, as well as state and government employers. There are two conditions you must meet for the act to apply:
Your disability impairs your life, essentially making working difficult. This condition applies to difficulties with regulating emotion, concentrating, and other ways your mental illness interferes with your ability to work.
That, while your illness makes working difficult, you can get the work done.
Rehabilitation Act of 1973 (Rehab Act)
The Rehabilitation Act of 1973, or Rehab Act, is a federal law very similar to the ADA that applies to schools. Any agency that receives government funding is covered under the Rehab Act.
Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA)
The Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) is a useful law that helps people keep their jobs while taking an extended leave of absence. The FMLA only applies to companies with over fifty employees, and after you have worked for the company for a year minimum. The FMLA lets you take up to twelve weeks of unpaid leave to care for a sick family member or recover from an illness yourself.
States also have their own protections for Americans with disabilities.
What Accommodations Can I Receive? How?
Under these laws, you can receive special accommodations: working from home, flexible start times, written directions, feedback from your bosses and coworkers, more breaks, and quiet places to take those breaks. These changes to the workplace are intended to be an aid for you so that you can complete your tasks.
But how do you apply for these accommodations? The process isn’t difficult, but the onus is on you to ask. Once you do, your employer is mandated to talk with you.
First, contact the human resources (HR) department and ask them what channels you need to go through to apply.
Write down your request. Be very specific as to what accommodations you need, and explain to HR how these will help you in the workplace.
Talk with your treatment team–therapists and psychiatrists–to see if they can offer any proof that you suffer from a mental illness.
Take notes at every conversation you have with your boss. Do not delete any emails that apply to the request.
Be reasonable and flexible. Your strongest advocate is you, so be prepared to negotiate.
What if you’ve been discriminated against because you suffer from a mental illness? There are legal protections available for you:
If the employer is a private one covered by the ADA, then you have to reach out to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). File a complaint at the EEOC’s website, www.eeoc.gov.
If, however, the employer is a federal agency, like a school or governmental employer, then you must reach out to the Equal Employment Opportunity Office (EEO). File a complaint at the EEOC’s website, federal division.
States have protections as well. If you’ve been discriminated against despite these laws, look up your state’s Fair Employment Practice Agency (FEPA).
The Department of Labor manages the FMLA. If you’ve been denied your legal right to twelve weeks of unpaid leave, then contact them.
There are several protections available to you should you choose to disclose your mental illness to your employer. Whether or not you should is completely up to you. As we said, you might face stigma from your coworkers or bosses, but if you’ve been discriminated against, you can file complaints. You have a right to accommodations. All you have to do is take that step forward.
How and when to disclose your mental illness can be intense, deeply personal decisions. But they don’t have to consume you. Here’s an overview of the masterpost:
When to Disclose:
Whenever you’re well.
When you need people to understand.
When you’re ready.
How to Disclose to Friends:
Bring your bipolar disorder up in casual conversation.
Describe the steps you’re taking to manage your condition
Demonstrate the empathy the illness has given you.
Keep in mind your boundaries and your friends’ comfort levels.
How to Disclose to Your Employer to get the Accommodations you Deserve:
Write down your specific request.
Get proof of your mental illness from your treatment team.
Take notes at every conversation you have with your boss. Do not delete any emails that apply to the request.
Be reasonable and flexible in advocating for yourself.
Only you can decide when, how, and to whom to disclose your mental illness. You may face stigma and discrimination for it. But those true friends who do stick around–and those accommodations you’ll earn from your employer–are worth it, in my opinion.
Trigger Warning: This post contains discussions of suicide. If you or someone you know is at risk of suicide, please:
Call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255
Text TALK to 741741
Or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.
For a post with a list of domestic crisis lines, click here.
For a post with a list of international crisis lines, click here.
With 45 million people worldwide living with this illness and abundant, harmful stereotypes presented in the media, you may have heard of or experienced this illness in your own life.
But what is bipolar disorder, really? What do “mania” and “depression” really mean?
First, we must clinically define bipolar disorder. bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder, formerly known as manic depression, is a mood disorder characterized by swings between depression, grandiose moods called mania, and precious periods of stability.
Over five million people worldwide live with the illness, which often runs in families. The mood disorder affects men and women equally and often appears in early adulthood, though children may also develop the mental illness.
But what does all that gobbledygook mean? How does this affect you, the diagnosed person or the person with a loved one who has a diagnosis?
Here’s a crash course in what bipolar disorder is and what it means from The Bipolar Parent.
What is Mania?
The bipolar sufferer is a creature of extremes, and nowhere is that made more clear than during manic episodes. Often depicted as the default bipolar state in popular culture, mania is a psychiatric state defined by symptoms of:
insomnia or sleep disturbances
massively increased energy
rapid and/or pressured speech
a flood of ideas
an inability to think things through or control impulses
increased risk-taking, including extreme spending and dangerous sex.
When I’m manic, I can flip from overjoyed and impervious in one second to angry and snappish in the next. I cannot control my impulses and am totally distractable.
I often speak too quickly and become frustrated with everyone around me, whom I perceive as moving too slow. My friends and family, however, cannot understand me.
Inability to concentrate due to the flood of ideas in my mind means I start projects and then drop them before they’re even half-done (eg: I have document after document of unfinished fanfictions). And I spend loads of money on craft materials, and the purchases are rarely thought through.
I also have an inflated sense of their own mortality; most of the time, it feels good to be a god, so I am easily convinced by my own ego that I don’t need medication or sleep.
It’s difficult to recognize that I’m manic when I’m in the middle of it, because I feel great. I usually have to be told by a concerned friend or family member that I’m spinning out into a mood episode, if the uber-productivity doesn’t tip me off.
A diagnosis of mania is also the primary difference between Bipolar I and Bipolar II: the former requires an extreme manic episode lasting at least one week, possibly with psychotic features such as hallucinations or delusions of godhood. Sufferers of Bipolar II deal with depression and hypomania, a lower form of mania, only.
What is Hypomania?
In Latin, “hypo” means below, so the definition of hypomanic as, “appears less intense than manic” follows logically.
People in a hypomanic episode usually have feelings of euphoria, irritability, increased sexuality, and competitiveness–but less than someone with full-blown mania.
Whereas inability to focus permeates mania, my experience with hypomania has been completely different. Increased focus and feelings of contentment means that I am incredibly productive while hypomanic, and I don’t doubt that this drive and ability applies to other people in such a state as well.
Hypomania is a very pleasurable episode to be in; I have often felt as if I am coasting along in my day, accomplishing anything I set out to do with my super-human energy.
This is part of the reason bipolar people (including me) often grieve for the hypomanic episode while depressed or normal. Similarly, taking my meds is difficult while in this state of ecstasy, because I think I can do whatever I want.
Unfortunately for me and everyone else who has enjoyed a hypomanic episode, any manic episode, no matter how intense, is typically followed by a crash.
What is Depression?
Even the neurotypical layperson, who may have never experienced mental illness, knows what depression is–at least on an intellectual level.
Depression is often described as being miserable, down in the dumps, or–my favorite–trapped in a black, sucking hole of apathy.
According to the Kübler-Ross model, also known as the five stages of grief, depression is one of the normal responses to a traumatic life event.
Clinical or bipolar depression, however, rears its ugly head due to chemical imbalances in the brain, medication, or genes–meaning that it can strike at any time not connected to stress or winter blues.
So what are depression’s signs and symptoms, and how are they treated?
When I’m depressed, I often feel most or all of these:
Persistent feelings of hopelessness
Lack of energy
Inability to sleep
Missed showers, meals
When I want to remember the times I was deep in the midst of a depression episode, all I have to do is look over my old blog entries.
This one in particular hit home:
Over the past year I’ve isolated myself and my five-year-old, confining us both to the house due to both anxiety and depression.
I’ve only just begun to emerge from the fugue, armed with new medications and new coping strategies, as well as an attempt to shuck off old habits.
Due to the advice of a dear friend, I found that doing things makes me want to do more things.
It’s counter-intuitive, but making sure that I do the dishes and pick up the living room every day has worked as the best anti-depressant I’ve ever had.
Staying in bed until I have to pick up my kid from kindergarten is a sure-fire way of destroying the rest of the day.
Getting up and getting dressed is that first, difficult step, but I am better off when it’s done.
– Cassandra Stout
I suffered massive depressive episode for years and years, crippling me emotionally and causing me to miss out on “normal” things for me and my son, like planning birthday parties or making new friends after a move.
For eight years, I lacked a solid community. I rarely took my child out on playdates and as a consequence, he finds making friends difficult.
I did very little around the home, including cleaning the house and showering myself.
Thankfully, I’ve found a combination of medication that worked, attended therapy, and worked on my own self-care. I now have a community of friends that support me, and I am helping to undo the damage that was done to my son.
What is a Mixed Episode?
To make bipolar disorder even worse, what happens if you felt symptoms of depression and symptoms of mania at the same time?
This awful set of feelings is colloquially called a mixed episode or a mixed mood state, and they are common in people with bipolar disorder. Half or more of people with bipolar disorder deal with mixed episodes, and I am one of them.
Mixed episodes are terrible. People suffering a mixed mood state have a high chance to die by suicide because they have the awful, soul-destroying symptoms of depression with the ability to carry out plans.
Medications typically used to treat depression or mania usually don’t work well on mixed episodes.
Bipolar I vs. Bipolar II: What’s the Difference?
To be diagnosed with bipolar I, which I have, requires an intense manic episode with symptoms lasting longer than seven days or severe enough to require immediate hospitalization. Depressive episodes often last two weeks or more.
Both states prevent normal function, and require treatment in order for the individual to fully live their life. It is extremely difficult to reason with the bipolar I sufferer when they’re in the midst of a mood episode.
Four times more common than Bipolar I, bipolar II is characterized by both depression and hypomanic (“below mania”) episodes, but not full-blown mania. Often productive, persons with Bipolar II are rarely hospitalized.
What Makes Bipolar I so Dangerous?
Bipolar I disorder sufferers experience the most intense manic episodes.
Immediately after giving birth to my first child, I suffered a postpartum psychotic break and an intense manic episode, committing myself to a local mental hospital. I earned a diagnosis of bipolar I.
During my committal, I was literally crazy. I suffered all the symptoms listed above as well as delusions and a hallucination. I was deemed dangerous to my infant and myself.
After stabilizing the manic episode with medication, I suffered a debilitating depressive episode for the next four years. I clawed my way back to stability through pursuing medication that worked and regularly taking it, faithfully attending therapy, and focusing on self-care.
That manic episode changed my entire life. Bipolar I disorder is dangerous because the manic episodes are so powerful, the person behind the mental illness ceases to recognize their own limits.
What is Cyclothymia?
Cyclothymia is a tricky diagnosis with manic symptoms less severe than bipolar I and depressive symptoms less severe than bipolar II.
Impact on productivity varies; some individuals may be hyper-productive with little impairment, whereas others are manic or severely depressed for most of their lives.
Cyclothymic people may have periods of stability, but those last less than eight weeks.
Risk Factors of Bipolar Disorder
There are several risk factors under consideration.
Genetics may play a part, though studies of identical twins have found that one twin may develop the disorder while the other twin does not.
Brain scans show that the structure of the brains of sufferers of bipolar disorder have differently sized portions of the brain compared to healthy people.
Family history seems to contribute as well, as those who have a family history of the disorder tend to develop it more often than those who do not.
Childhood trauma is also a huge factor; one 2016 review in the International Journal of Bipolar Disorder showed that multiple traumas are more frequent in patients with BD than in controls (63 versus 33 %).
Whatever the reasons behind the development of the disorder, over five million people worldwide live with it, and a great deal of people remain untreated.
What about Treatments?
Treatment for bipolar disorder requires a range of psychotherapy and mood stabilizing drugs like lithium and Depakote. Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) is also used, with mixed results.
Several illnesses are comorbid with bipolar disorder, such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or anxiety-related illnesses. These related conditions make it difficult to treat the underlying bipolar disorder, as stimulants used to treat ADHD can sometimes trigger a manic episode.
Drugs are not without their side effects. I gained 45 pounds on mine, and topped out over 200. I’ve also tried medications that knocked me out for weeks. But I persisted until I found a cocktail that worked for me.
Attending therapy also helps the person with bipolar disorder live a fulfilling life. Therapy has no side effects.
Performing self-care is also crucial for anyone to be happy, but doubly so for people with mental illnesses.
With treatment, people with bipolar disorder can lead productive, healthy lives, managing their illness as it comes.
Bipolar disorder is a mental illness that can devastate families, but it’s also one of the most treatable disorders.
With treatment, I have stabilized after suffering terrible mood episodes, and you can, too. Mania, depression, and mixed episodes can be survived.
What a bipolar diagnosis really means is different for everyone. But what it means to me is that I have an extra layer of work on top of my normal affairs to manage my moods.
I have to make sure I take my meds on time twice a day, monitor my moods so that I’m sure that the meds are working, monitor my actions to make sure they’re not wildly off base and within the range of societal norms, get enough sleep (this is especially important to avoid manic episodes), monitor my spending, avoid alcohol, and so on and so forth.
It sounds like a lot, and it is, but it’s just part and parcel with living with a mental illness. If I don’t put the work in, I become miserable and a danger to myself and others. Thankfully, the work gets easier as you get used to it.
Bipolar disorder doesn’t have to control your life. Whether you have bipolar I, bipolar II, or cyclothymia, you can live stably.
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