Tips For Managing Romantic Relationships if You have Bipolar Disorder

3 Tips for Managing Romance with Bipolar - CassandraStout.com

This post appeared on the International Bipolar Foundation website, here.

If you suffer from bipolar disorder, then you may already know how difficult managing romantic relationships can be. Even being a partner with a bipolar disorder sufferer is difficult.

The manic and hypomanic phases of the disease can include lapses in judgment, promiscuity, overspending, risky behaviors like alcohol or drug abuse, and other problems which can wreak havoc on any relationship, especially a romantic one.

Depressive episodes can be frustrating for everyone involved because a person suffering from depression may withdraw from the world. If you’re partnered with a person going through a depressive episode, you may not be able to draw them out of their shell.

So how do you manage a romantic relationship if you have bipolar disorder? Here are some tips to do just that.

Tip #1: Communicate Honestly

Everyone involved in a romantic relationship needs to communicate honestly with their partners, but this is especially true when bipolar disorder is involved.

If you have bipolar disorder, be honest about your everyday feelings, and let your partner know when you’re tripping into mania or slipping into depression. Bipolar episodes can be disorienting to anyone, not just the sufferer, and especially when people are unprepared for them. Your partner needs to know if you’re becoming manic or depressed.

Financial concerns are also something to be honest about. If you don’t tell your partner that you overspent during a manic episode, he or she might be counting on money in the budget that you don’t have. Similarly, you need to be honest if you’ve cheated on your partner when you’ve been manic because you need to maintain trust in the relationship.

If you are partnered with someone with bipolar disorder, be honest about whether you’re overwhelmed by the disease. You can’t always be a rock, and your partner needs to know when you feel overwhelmed. Do your best to separate the illness from your partner and try not to judge him or her for suffering from bipolar disorder. But be honest with your partner about how the mental illness affects you.

Tip #2: Stick With Your Treatment Plan

Adequately treating your bipolar disorder with talk therapy and/or medication is crucial for managing romantic relationships. If you don’t have your disease under control and aren’t handling your mood episodes properly, then you run the risk of destroying everything you’ve worked for when it comes to your partner.

If you are dating or married to a person suffering from bipolar disorder, regularly ask your partner how they’re feeling and if their meds are working for them. Managing mental illnesses is much easier with an appropriate level of support. Oftentimes, the partner is the one who spots the manic or depressive episode.

But try to avoid nagging. Set up rules about communicating ahead of time, such as “I can only bring up meds three times, and then I need to let it go.”

Tip #3: Practice Self-care

Self-care isn’t limited to bubble baths and painting your nails. Self-care is taking responsibility for your well-being. If you can’t take care of yourself, your romantic relationships will suffer. People suffering depressive episodes especially need to commit to a self-care routine, as they tend to neglect themselves.

So, whether you have bipolar disorder or are partnered with someone with bipolar, practice daily self-care.

If you do these “big six” self-care steps daily, as outlined by a post about self-care at WellandWealthy.org then you will see improvements in your physical and mental health. These improvements will help you be a better spouse.

Every day, try to:

A special note for the partners of people with bipolar disorder: one way to practice self-care is to not be your partner’s only support. Make sure that he or she has a therapist and/or a psychiatrist to talk to, as well as supportive friends and possibly family. The more you can spread the support around, the better.

You can’t be everything to your partner. Setting up a codependent relationship will only harm you and him or her in the long run.

For a post on how to get a psychiatric evaluation, click here. For a post on how to start seeing a therapist, click here.

3 Tips for Managing Romance with Bipolar - CassandraStout.com

Final Thoughts

Managing romance when you suffer from bipolar disorder is not impossible. It just takes a little extra work and self-awareness from both people in the partnership. If you can communicate honestly, stick to your treatment plans, and practice the “big six” daily self-care tenants, then you will be able to better handle your romantic relationships.

I wish you well in your journey.

Related:

How to Address Behaviors of a Friend or Loved One with Bipolar Disorder

How to Address Behaviors of a Spouse with Bipolar Disorder - CassandraStout.com

Trigger Warning: This post contains a brief mention of suicidal ideation. If you are suffering from suicidal thoughts, please talk with someone from the Suicide Prevention LifeLine at 1-800-273-8255 or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

Confronting a loved one about their recent behaviors due to their mental illness can be dicey, especially if the disease is something like bipolar disorder.

If you find yourself needing to confront a friend or loved one about, say, their manic spending spree, approach the person with compassion and empathy. Try to put yourself in their shoes.

Above all, try to separate the person from their mental illness. Attempt to recognize that their unpleasant behaviors are part of the disorder and not a part of them. Most of the time, they don’t want to act out of control.

Here are some tips to help you address the behaviors of a friend or loved one with bipolar disorder.

When They’ve Been Manic

If your friend or loved one is manic and is acting out, do not hesitate in getting them the help they need. Ask them if you can call their psychiatrist or therapist. Ride the wave of their mania, but try not to contribute to their episode by agreeing to help them with wild, obsessive projects.

As tempting as it is to address their behaviors in the moment, they won’t understand you or be able to respond appropriately. The time to confront them is after the manic episode is under control and they’ve become stable again.

If your loved one has been cheating on you due to a hypersexual manic episode, explain to them how you feel about that. You may feel betrayed and unwilling to trust them. You may feel sad, as if you were not enough to satisfy their urges. You may feel a plethora of negative emotions, many of them directed at your partner and not their mental illness.

Again, try to separate your friend or loved one from their illness. It may be difficult to do at first, but do make an attempt. Unless your relationship was already failing, your partner didn’t mean to hurt you.

Dealing with hypersexual feelings can be extremely difficult, especially in the heat of the moment. People on a manic high tend to be pleasure seekers. They’re always looking for the next good feeling. Flirting and sex is just one way to feel great about yourself.

When the manic episode is over, then the remorse sets in. People coming off of a manic high usually feel terrible; the crash of depression often follows manic episodes, and for good reason. They wonder how they ever could have hurt their spouses or loved ones, and wonder how they’ll be able to make it up to them.

Usually, people suffering from bipolar disorder don’t have the tools to help them rebuild trust.

Explain to your loved one how you feel, and also tell them what they can do to help put your mind at ease. Maybe you need them to check in with you at night so you know where they are and what they’re doing. Maybe you need space to figure your feelings out. Try to set parameters that you both are comfortable with.

Similarly, if your loved one has gone on a manic spending spree and blown through their financial cushion or your joint bank account, explain how that behavior made you feel.

Manic spending sprees come from the same place that other forms of infidelity come from: the inability for the bipolar person to see the consequences to their actions when in the throes of a manic episode.

Tell them that you can’t trust them with money anymore when they’re manic, and that you will be keeping a close eye on your shared finances. If you need to carry the charge card rather than your spouse while they’re manic, then do so.

When They’ve Been Depressed

Confronting someone about the things they’ve done when they’re depressed is a difficult prospect. You want to be careful to blame the disease and not the person for their behaviors, as that might set off a wave of remorse and trigger another depressive episode.

Unlike dealing with a person in the midst of a manic episode, you can tell a person suffering from a depressive episode how you feel, but do be careful to separate your feelings about the disease from your feelings about the person.

Fortunately, depression is usually less harmful to spouses than mania. But there are still behaviors that people suffering from depression do that can be difficult to handle.

For example, people who are depressed may engage in self-harm or suicidal behaviors. You may have felt scared and helpless. Explain to your loved one that you would miss them terribly if they died, and that you felt scared for them.

This is the extreme example. Not all people who face depression hurt themselves. But depression is a very selfish disease. People who suffer from a constant barrage of negative emotions, ranging from guilt to anxiety to hopelessness–and even anger–tend to withdraw into themselves and think only of themselves.

Tell your friend or partner that you love them, if you do, but that it’s hard to love someone who doesn’t love themselves. Not that they are hard to love, but that the disease is.

Explain to your partner exactly what you need. Perhaps you need them to ask you how you’re feeling more often, and geniunely listen. Maybe you need a weekend off from their complaining about their anxieties. Perhaps you need to take some time to yourself.

Whatever you need, don’t be afraid to tell the depressed person that you need it, but be compassionate.

But do recognize that even a simple request for space might end up with your spouse feeling rejected. Reassure them that it’s not about them, but your inability to handle the disease for extended periods of time.

Final Thoughts

Telling your friend or loved one how you feel is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship. Communicating with them how you’ve been impacted by their behaviors is the first step towards their acknowledgement that they’ve hurt you. Often times, we need that acknowledgement to forgive them.

Confronting someone in the middle of a manic episode about their behaviors is generally a bad idea, as you will often be rebuffed. Similarly, confronting someone in the middle of a depressive episode may be a bad idea because it might send them on downward spiral of guilt and shame.

So try to address the undesirable behaviors after the person is back to what you consider to be normal–a stable mindset. Tell your friend or loved one how their behaviors made you feel. But do separate the person from the disease.

Communication is one of the most difficult parts of a relationship, but it is crucial for the mental health of both partners. You can support your spouse while making your feelings heard. You can forgive them, and address the disease as a team.

You can do this.

How to Address Behaviors of Friends and Loved Ones with Bipolar Disorder - CassandraStout.com

Related:

The Bipolar Parent’s Saturday Morning Mental Health Check in: The Future Edition

Hello, hello! Welcome to the Bipolar Parent’s Saturday Morning Mental Health Check in: The Future Edition! Thanks for stopping by.

How are you doing this week? What parenting challenges have you been facing? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you practicing self-care? How has the coronavirus affected your life lately? I hope you don’t have it! Let me know in the comments; I genuinely want to know about you and your struggles.

The Bipolar Parent's Saturday Morning Mental Health Check in: The Future Edition - CassandraStout.com

My (Two) Weeks — And the Future of The Bipolar Parent

I didn’t update last week, and for that I apologize. I was waiting on some news that was time-sensitive.

But now I can share it: I have a job! My friend and frequent commenter, author and mental health blogger Dyane Harwood, was approached by an editor at Verywell. Part of Dotdash (previously About.com), Verywell is a website focused on health and medicine that boasts 17 million unique visitors per month.

Dyane was told by the editor that Verywell needed a contributing writer for their articles re: bipolar disorder. Dyane, bless her, said she was overextended, and passed my contact information and blog onto the editor.

The editor contacted me, and asked if I would be willing to blog for them on a regular basis. After discussing the challenges of being a working parent with my husband, I agreed to take the job.

I am so excited! This is a wonderful opportunity to expand my writing resume and add feathers to my cap. A million thank yous to Dyane!

All of this means there will be some changes to The Bipolar Parent, my personal blog. I will be writing four articles per month for Verywell, and I don’t know if I will be able to continue blogging here as frequently.

My children will be out of school for the summer, and my husband is not comfortable with drop-in daycare for either of them. Rather than writing blog posts while they are in school, I will be writing in my very limited free time after the kids go to bed.

That being said, I need to discontinue the Saturday Morning Mental Health Check ins. I apologize in advance, but I already know that I won’t be able to keep posting on Saturday on The Bipolar Parent while writing for Verywell.

I hope to continue posting on Fridays, but I am uncertain if I will be able to keep up the quantity of quality posts while blogging four times a month for the other site.

I will check in with myself in April (next month) and make an honest decision. After that, whatever I decide, I will check in again in August, three months later, and see if I need to reevaluate my ability to post to both sites.

Whatever happens to The Bipolar Parent, I plan to continue blogging for the International Bipolar Foundation, so you can see me both there and at Verywell. If I’m not producing original content here, I will be linking to both my Verywell posts and my IBPF posts.

I appreciate that you’ve all supported me in my writing. The journey from beginning blogger to contributing writer at IBPF and Verywell has been long, but you all have been there for me. Thank you so much.

I wish you well in your own journeys.

Related:

The Bipolar Parent's Saturday Morning Mental Health Check in: The Future Edition - CassandraStout.com