5 General-Purpose Tips for Handling Mood Episodes

November 18, 2022October 11, 2022 Cassandra Stout

This post appeared on the International Bipolar Foundation’s website here.

As a woman with bipolar I disorder, I suffer stupidly high highs and even lower lows. I’m sure that if you have bipolar disorder, whatever the flavor, you’re no stranger to how debilitating a mood episode can be.

For a crash course on what symptoms mark bipolar disorder so you can be prepared next time a mood episode strikes, click here.

So how do you take care of yourself when you’re suffering a mood episode? Read on for 5 general-purpose tips for handling mood episodes.

5 General-Purpose Tips for Handling Mood Episodes

I have used these five tips to manage my mood episodes for almost two decades:

Communicate with your caregivers.
Scale back on your to-do list.
Manage your sleep.
Stick to your daily routine.
Don’t use drugs or alcohol.

No matter the episode, be it mania or depression, these five tips will help you.

Tip #1: Communicate with Your Caregivers

Whether you’re tripping into mania or slipping into depression, your caregivers need to know. If you’re blessed enough to have a treatment team of therapists and psychiatrists, contact them as soon as you notice your burgeoning symptoms of a mood episode so they can adjust your treatment and head the episode off at the pass.

Your family also needs to know what’s going on. They will be impacted if your episode gets worse, so don’t keep the fact that you’re struggling from them. If they’re not supportive of your mental illness, at least tell a friend so you can get the help you need.

Tip #2: Scale Back on Your To-Do List

If I’m suffering from depression, I’m in survival mode, and so are you. When getting out of bed in the morning is a challenge, that is not the time to clean out the storage unit. Scale back on your to-do list and only do the tasks that are necessary for you and those who depend on you (like kids and pets) to function. Don’t pile guilt on yourself for not accomplishing as many things as you can when you’re feeling your best.

Similarly, when I’m manic, that’s the time when I’m most tempted to get everything done. But I’ve learned that racking up the accomplishments makes my brain spin out even further and the mania worse. Manic episodes are made of borrowed energy; the more energy I steal from my future self getting things done in a whirlwind, the harder the depressive crash.

Don’t hamstring your future self by spinning out further tackling your to-do list. Spend your energy containing the mania instead, and that means taking it easy.

Tip #3: Manage Your Sleep

When I’m depressed, I can sleep all day, every day. Indeed, when my son was in kindergarten, I would drop him off in the mornings and sleep until I picked him up in the afternoon, and then sleep after I’d fed him. Not my best moments.

Managing your sleep when you’re depressed is so important. Sleeping all day feeds into depression; the more you sleep, the more and the longer you suffer. So set yourself some alarms and try to force yourself to get up and stay up.

Conversely, when I’m manic, I don’t sleep at all, which worsens the manic episode a hundred times over. The less I sleep – and the less you sleep – the more we’ll spin out.

I know how hard it is to sleep when you’re manic. That’s why tip #1 is so important: tell your caregivers so your medication can be adjusted just to overcome the mood episode.

Try to manage your sleep when you’re manic. Even lying in bed with your eyes closed helps rest your hyperactive brain.

Tip #4: Stick to Your Daily Routine

If you have a daily routine and you’re suffering from a mood episode, stick to it as much as possible. Meeting your rocks of the day will keep you grounded whether you’re suffering from mania or depression.

Making sure you shower every other day when you have depression, for example, is easier when you have a habit to do so and you don’t have to think about it.

Similarly, when you’re manic, eating can sometimes get lost in the shuffle; if you eat at the same time everyday, it’s like a reset for your brain and keeps your blood sugar on an even keel, crucial for preventing crashes and hanger.

If you don’t have a daily routine, click here for a post on how to create one and why they’re so important when you have bipolar disorder.

Tip #5: Don’t use Alcohol or Drugs

When you’re in the pits of depression, it’s tempting to use alcohol to help make you feel better. But alcohol and drugs complicate bipolar disorder; even one drink can mess up your medication or worsen symptoms of a mood episode.

Similarly, drinking or using drugs screws up sleep, which is crucial for mania to wind down (see tip #3). Using substances isn’t worth the temporary mood boost in the end, and people with bipolar disorder tend to get addicted to substances mcuh more quickly than people without the mental illness.

Let’s Recap

The five tips I use to manage a mood episode boil down to these:

Communicate with your caregivers.
Scale back on your to-do list.
Manage your sleep.
Stick to your daily routine.
Don’t use drugs or alcohol.

These five tips, used in combination, will help you handle your bipolar mood episodes. You don’t have to use all of them, but even one step forward is a good one.

If you’ve found yourself struggling, make sure to let someone know. Help is out there for you, and it’s not too late to reach out to someone.

I wish you well on your journey.

Related Posts

bipolar parent

I’m Moving to Medium!

November 18, 2022November 17, 2022 Cassandra Stout

Hi!

I’d like to announce a change for The Bipolar Parent: I will no longer be updating this blog, but will be continuing to post on Medium, a blogging website with an audience of hundreds of thousands.

If you’ve enjoyed my posts, please come follow me on Medium and clap for my articles! That would mean so much to me.

I am in the process of taking all my content from The Bipolar Parent and porting it over to Medium, so it will not be lost but instead moved over to a new platform. I will also be writing brand new posts sharing advice on how to manage your mental illnesses driven by my personal experience as a woman with bipolar disorder.

Thank you for encouraging me in my journey as a mental health blogger. I appreciate each and every one of my readers.

Love,

Cass

bipolar parent

Why I Choose to Abstain from Alcohol as a Woman with Bipolar Disorder

October 21, 2022September 23, 2022 Cassandra Stout

This post appeared on the International Bipolar Foundation’s website here.

As a social lubricant, alcohol takes top billing.

But if you have a mental illness like bipolar disorder, alcohol and other substances tend to tank your mental health.

I’m not going to lie: alcohol temporarily helps decrease the suffering that comes from bipolar disorder. For many people, it feels great to drink, which is why studies show that there’s a 58% lifetime prevalence of co-occurring alcohol use disorders in individuals with bipolar I disorder.

But in the long run, alcohol is known to make bipolar mood episodes much, much worse. Drinking increases feelings of depression due to alcohol’s sedating effects and dramatically boosts the severity of manic symptoms.

I don’t drink. I’ve never had more than a sip of my husband’s Christmas-only chocolate martinis. There’s one main reason why I don’t:

I’m scared to lose control.

It’s a visceral reason, something on a gut level that all humans experience: fear.

I’m scared. I’m scared that the stability I’ve worked so hard to earn over the years will spiral down the drain if I drink. I’m scared that more than a sip of alcohol will have me dancing on tables and shoot me into a full-blown manic episode. I’m scared that I’ll never recover from the inevitable crash and I’ll end up taking my own life.

My family has a history of addiction. I am scared that I’ve inherited those addictive behaviors and won’t be able to stop drinking once I start.

So the most powerful reason for me to never start drinking is fear of loss of control.

This may be an irrational fear. I may be able to control my impulses. I may be able to drink one drink a day and stop, indulging only a little at a time.

But given that I have bipolar disorder, a disease marked by impulsivity and addictive behaviors, I don’t want to take the risk of drinking, even responsibly.

Yes, not drinking means that people look at me funny at parties. It means I’m always the designated driver. It means that I’m often the sole sober person in a room full of drunk people, which can be funny sometimes and astonishing at others.

Staying sober means that I don’t have the social lubricant available to me, nor do I have a chemical way to unwind at the end of the day, which sounds tempting while being as wired and restless as I usually am in the evenings.

But it also means I am less likely to spin out into a manic episode that damages me and my family. Not drinking means my medications stay effective and I am less likely to suffer fatal toxicity.

Because I’ve never drunk, it’s easier for me to abstain than someone with an alcohol use disorder. I can’t look at an addict and say, “Hey, you should stop drinking. It’s bad for you” with any results.

However, I can say that drinking alcohol if you have bipolar disorder is bad for you, especially if you take an antidepressant.

Alcohol counteracts the effects of your medication, which can lead to an increase in suicidal thoughts. Also, if you take MAOIs, a special kind of antidepressant, your blood pressure could rise quickly, and you could end up with a stroke. Also, sometimes fatal toxicity can happen because your liver just can’t handle the combination of alcohol and medications.

And that’s just the meds. Alcohol has been demonstrated in research to make bipolar disorder symptoms dramatically worse. And if you have a dual diagnosis of alcohol use disorder and bipolar disorder, each issue can worsen the other, making both difficult to treat.

So protecting your mental health, even out of fear, is a great reason not to drink, and for me, to never start.

You may not be afraid of alcohol like I am. That’s good! I’m glad you’re able to handle drinking responsibly. But be careful. Alcohol use disorder is an easy disease to slip into; like I said at the beginning of this post, 58% of people with bipolar I suffer from a drinking problem. That’s more than half of us.

If you’re struggling with controlling your drinking – you drink too fast or too often – then help is available. Most people with alcohol use disorder can benefit from treatment.

If you have a drinking problem, medications and behavioral treatments are available to help you conquer it. Twelve-step programs offer valuable peer support. Contact your general practitioner today to see what resources are available to you in your community.

Whether you drink alcohol is your choice. Be careful to make sure you don’t bear the cost of drinking too much.

I wish you well in your journey.

Related Posts

bipolar parent

How to Support Your Child in School as a Parent with Mental Illness

September 23, 2022September 28, 2022 Cassandra Stout

This post appeared on the International Bipolar Foundation’s website, here.

You may not think of fall as a time of new beginnings, but if you have a child in school, the new school year is certainly that.

Supporting your child at school is difficult enough but throw a mental illness into the mix and that becomes incalculably more difficult. If you suffer from a mental illness and are lost on how to ensure that your child learns the most they can at school, read on for a guide on how to support your child in school as a parent with mental illness.

1. Keep Communication Channels Open

Children with a parent who suffers a mental illness may not understand why their parent acts as they do. Young children especially will come up with narratives to explain why a mom with depression stays in bed all day, often making that problem their fault.

Kids going to school, especially kids who know their parents are different and don’t know why may be ostracized and/or bullied by their peers. So to combat all of these issues, keep communication channels open. Talk to your child about your mental illness, explaining in age-appropriate ways why you act differently from their friends’ parents.

And talking to your kid helps them know what you expect of them, which is important for stable home life.

Click here for a deeper look into how to talk to your children about your mental illness.

2. Set up a Routine – And Stick to It

When my first child was just a baby, my therapist at the time told me that consistency was key to raising him in a healthy manner. As a parent with bipolar disorder, which makes consistency next to impossible, I hated to hear that then and I hate to admit it now, but she was right.

But a consistent pattern is the best way to support your child in school, too. If you are consistently feeding them breakfast, have a predictable morning routine to get out the door, and have a decompressing routine in the afternoon after school, then your kid will be better off than when living a life of chaos.

Click here for a post on how and why to establish a routine.

3. Get to Know the School Staff

You don’t have to join the PTSA but knowing who’s who at your kid’s school is an effective step to supporting them through the system.

Schools have open houses at the beginning of the year to introduce you to the classrooms and teachers. Make every effort to attend these and learn your kid’s teachers’ names and what they look like. Find out what the best way to contact these people is, be it phone calls, emails, texts, or website contact form.

If your child has a problem, be it academically or emotionally, their teachers will be the first to know – and the first people you should contact. They’re the people on the inside, the ones who interact with your baby for at least an hour a day in close observation in a new environment.

Following up with that, also learn who your kids’ counselors are. If your child has a mental health issue at school, they will be sent to the counselor, and you will need to keep in close contact with them to get to the bottom of the issue. They can determine the next steps in treating a problem, be that involving medical professionals or keeping your student home for a spell.

Nipping problems in the bud is easier than letting them develop into behemoth knots that take more time, energy, and mental headspace to untangle. Keep a close eye on your student’s report cards and go to their teachers or counselors if they have an issue.

I would also recommend an extra step: put the school’s office line, counselors’ lines, and tardy/absence reporting line into your contacts on your phone. If your school has an alert system for snow days, sign up to be contacted. Knowing more about your school always helps.

4. Apply for Accommodations if Your Child Needs Them

If your child is having serious academic issues and you and/or their teachers suspect a learning disability or mental health condition like ADHD, they may need an IEP or 504 plan.

An IEP is an Individualized Educational Plan, a program of accommodations or modifications like a new textbook or longer test times developed by a team of experts. They will observe your child and give a report based on their schoolwork and behavior. You will be able to review this report with the team and if necessary, contest it.

Once your child qualifies for special education, the team will come up with a plan in 30 calendar days.

A 504 plan only differs from an IEP from who it serves: IEPs only cover kids in grades K-12 whereas 504 plans can cover collegiate-level students.

Requesting an IEP plan is a lot of work because you must go through official channels with the administrative staff, but don’t be afraid to fight for your kid if they need you in their corner.

5. Help Your Children Do Their Homework

Until schools stop assigning it, homework is essential for your child’s success. Not only is it part of your child’s grade, completing the homework prepares them for their upcoming tests.

Even if you don’t know the subject or don’t speak the school’s language, you can support your kid by setting up a quiet place for them to study, establishing a regular homework time, and checking in on them regularly.

Praise them for their efforts but don’t do their homework for them, as that ultimately won’t help them.

Let’s Recap

Supporting your child in school when you have a mental illness boils down to talking to them, sticking to routines, getting to know the school staff, applying for accommodations if your kid needs them, and helping them with their homework.

This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it can be a jumping-off point for you as you support your child. Compassion for yourself and your kid as you all make this transition also helps, so try to give yourself and them grace.

I wish you well in your journey!

Related Posts:

bipolar parent

How to Make a Dopamenu to Give Your Brain the Stimulation it Desperately Needs

July 29, 2022August 1, 2022 Cassandra Stout

This post appeared on the International Bipolar Foundation’s website, here.

Have you ever found yourself doom scrolling the internet, desperately seeking stimulation for your depressed brain but being too tired to think of a healthy way to do that?

When we’re depressed, our brains have trouble focusing on “boring” tasks. We just can’t do them, and our brains seek stimulation.

But we often look for that easy dopamine (the “happy” chemical) hit, like scrolling social media, which ends up not feeling great when we do so for hours.

So what’s one way to stimulate the chronically understimulated depressed brain?

Make a Dopamenu.

This YouTube video by How to ADHD called “How to Give Your Brain the Stimulation it Needs” walks you through the process of making a Dopamenu, which can be done in the following four steps:

Design your menu.
Omit anything unrealistic.
Prep your ingredients.
Advertise

I’ll walk you through these in more detail below.

1. Design your Menu

The first step is designing your menu. Eric Tivers, an ADHD expert who has ADHD himself, recommends figuring out both what excites you and what makes you feel rotten after indulging in them for too long.

The video recommends breaking the menu down into the following sections:

Entrées – Activities that you can do every day that make you feel alive. My entrées involve taking a bath, planning a fanfiction with friends, eating a meal with my family, taking a brisk walk, or cross-stitching.
Desserts – Your “go-to”s when you’re bored and seeking a fast dopamine hit that doesn’t really satisfy you. Mine include eating Cheetos or drinking a Mountain Dew, staying in bed in the morning, and doom scrolling the internet.
Appetizers – Things that give you a “quick burst” of happiness. Mine include eating some cheese and bell peppers, sitting in the sun, and drinking a cup of tea.
Sides – Things you add to the other items on the menu to help you enjoy them more. Mine include listening to music and warm socks/comfortable clothing.
Specials – These are the big dopamine hits – expensive or inconvenient things that are not meant to be frequent. Mine include a trip to the local arcade to play the Dance Dance Revolution machine, baking a cake, and buying a new video game.

The video author goes on to say that desserts are not completely off-limits; you can still partake in desserts, but they shouldn’t be your main source of “nutrition” re: dopamine hits.

2. Omit anything unrealistic

The video author’s next step is to omit anything unrealistic from the entire list.

This is half a dreams list and half a goals list. I’d recommend listing things you can actually do; going on a vacation in a pandemic as a special may be out of the realm of comfort for some people, as well as too expensive.

So fluff up your list as much as possible and then cut, cut, cut.

3. Prep your ingredients

The author says to prepare to do items on your Dopamenu ahead of time as much as possible to make the processx smooth.

For example, I prepped a cross-stitch kit–fabric, needles, thread, an embroidery hoop, and scissors kept in a gallon-size Ziploc bag–and placed it in the backpack I take everywhere so I can cross-stitch at a moment’s notice. Any time I’m sitting down unoccupied and in need of precious relaxation, out comes the cross-stitch kit.

The author also says to create barriers to your go-tos so you don’t use them as often. When I need to unplug from the internet, I uninstall Discord, a chatting application, on my phone, and during my day-to-day life, I tell myself I can’t check Discord until I’ve done something productive.

Increasing the number of steps to my go-tos and decreasing the number of steps to more satisfying things on the menu has certainly helped me, and it can help you too.

4. Advertise

The next step is to make your menu pleasing to use. Advertise!

You can add descriptions to the items, design a pretty background, and/or make it humorous and therefore fun to read. When you create something beautiful to look at, it’s exciting to use!

After you prettify your Dopamenu, then place it in places where you’ll see it every day. I keep mine on my phone, but I’m planning to print a copy and post it on the door to my bedroom. That way, every time I go to lie down in my bed for the purpose of doom scrolling on my phone, I can find a better activity to engage my brain.

Final Thoughts

Making a Dopamenu is a simple way to take a look at your daily habits and start doing better ones. If your brain is continually unsatisfied, you may end up depressed, where seeking stimulation becomes even harder.

It takes energy to think of things that give you energy. Cut out the planning.

Make a Dopamenu today.

Related Posts:

bipolar parent

5 Ways to Get Motivated when You’re Suffering from Depression

July 8, 2022July 5, 2022 Cassandra Stout

Editor’s Note: Remember how I said I’ll be updating twice a month? Please drop that to once a month, the final Friday. Thank you!

Depression is the pits.

As anyone who’s suffered from a depressive episode knows, motivation for basic activities is a struggle. People living through the worst depressions struggle to get out of bed, to eat, to shower, to get dressed, and any other number of day-to-day requirements.

As I’m currently suffering from a depressive episode, I’d like to outline some ways for you and me to get motivated when you’re dealing with the same. Here are 5 ways to conquer those depression blahs.

1. Challenge the Lies Your Brain Tells You

The biggest lie my brain tells me is, “You can’t handle this.”

And I often find myself taking what my brain says at face value without recognizing that my brain is a liar or challenging the thought.

Once I recognize that my brain is lying and these intrusive thoughts aren’t true, I can go back and recognize what I’ve done in the past that disproves the lie.

And I can challenge my brain, putting it to the test.

Sometimes I really can’t handle my life, but 95% of the time, I can and I have. And if I have handled situations like the ones my brain lies to me about before, I know I can.

When encountering intrusive thoughts, I’ve found the best way to manage them is to let the thought happen, and then acknowledge them with the statement, “Well, that’s a thought.”

Reframing my intrusive thoughts and the lies my brain tells me helps motivate me to manage my expectations and take on the rest of the day.

You’re not worthless. You’re not lazy. You’re struggling. There’s a difference.

And your depressive brain is a liar.

But there’s another good way to challenge your brain, which leads into tip #2.

2. Use Positive Self-Talk

Following tip #1, the best way to challenge those lies is to use positive self-talk.

Talking to yourself is normal, and if you encourage yourself, it can even be healthy.

However, if you lambast yourself, that’s unhealthy. I know how hard it is to tell myself I’m doing great when you’re not, and when I’m depressed, I think I’m not even when I am.

I often get down on myself, telling myself things like, “You’re lazy. No one loves you. You’ll never get through this.”

And those negative affirmations? While not only being patently untrue, they also serve no purpose except to make me feel worse.

So to psych myself up when I’m depressed, I tell myself, “You can do it! You can handle anything–or at least these small things during the day! You’ve conquered depression before!”

This positive self-talk helps motivate me to handle whatever challenge life throws at me, especially depression.

If that doesn’t work, I use tip #3.

3. Reach out to a Friend

My online friends are a huge part of my support system. I am blessed to have them and I recognize how fortunate I am to have people who have suffered depression before and know what it’s like.

So when I need to challenge my brain, the liar, or ask for help, I turn to my online friends for reassurance, which helps motivate me to continue working.

One of those friends helps me with tip #4.

4. Make an Accomplishments List

Another lie my brain tells me, someone who is focused on productivity and unhealthily uses it as a measure of my worth (something I’m working on), is that I haven’t gotten much done.

The problem with my brain is that when facing down a long to-do list, it doesn’t matter how much I accomplish on a daily basis; my brain thinks I made no progress at all and screams at me to get to work, so I can never relax and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

And when I’m depressed, my brain screams louder, telling me I’m lazy and worthless because I can’t get anything done.

This is untrue. I get things done, just not as much as I’d get done without my depression bogging me down.

So like in tip #3, I turn to a specific online friend I have and make a list for her, titling it various things like “Cass’s Accomplishments List” or “What I Got Done Today.”

I outline various activities and accomplishments I’ve done throughout the day, no matter how small, with bullet points. Then my encouraging friend celebrates the little victories with me.

Listing out everything I’ve gotten done over the day helps motivate me to make her proud, and when I look at all I’ve done despite being depressed, even the small things, it makes me proud, too.

Here’s a sample of one of my lists:

What Cass Accomplished Today While Feeling Rotten

Brushed my teeth
Took morning meds on time
Made breakfast for my daughter and me and ate it
Got my daughter dressed
Made my daughter brush her teeth
Brought down my laundry basket
Drove to the mall to let my daughter play at the indoor park

And that’s just the morning. Even if you think you’ve spent all your time in bed, there are likely a lot of little things you’ve gotten done throughout the day.

Taking your meds counts as self-care. So does brushing your teeth and taking down your laundry basket.

Try making a list today. It might help motivatwe you.

And if that doesn’t work, try tip #5.

5. Get Dressed

Maybe I should have started with this tip because it’s so foundational. But getting dressed is crucial to my success.

Getting out of bed in the mornings is next to impossible because I need to get dressed to face the day. That’s an obstacle that seems insurmountable at times.

I resist getting dressed because it means my day has started, usually before I’m ready for it. I often lie in bed wide awake for 20-40 minutes after my alarm rings because I don’t want to get dressed. Staying in bed is easier than getting dressed.

But once I do, my brain turns onto work mode. I can’t go back to bed because I’m wearing jeans and shoes.

Getting dressed, especially putting my shoes on, starts off a chain reaction of putting deodorant on, brushing teeth, and taking my meds. They’re habits I’ve formed that putting my shoes on trigger.

My brain orients around donning my clothes because it means my day has started and I’m ready for it, a powerful motivator.

I like to use tip #2 and tell myself, “Get dressed, Cass. You can handle your day.” And once I force myself through the motions of putting on my clothes, even if I’m not feeling it, everything that follows is on autopilot.

If I can conquer getting dressed, the first task of the day, I can handle anything.

And so can you. Try getting dressed today. I wouldn’t be surprised if it signals something in your brain, too.

Let’s Recap

By challenging the lies my brain tells me, using positive self-talk, reaching out to my friends, making accomplishment lists, and getting dressed, I can motivate myself to get things done despite my depression dragging me down by the ankles.

I am not worthless or lazy, I’m just feeling rotten right now, and this, too, shall pass. I can handle my day.

And so can you. You can cope with anything life throws at you.

Try to find some way to motivate yourself. If these tips help you, great! But if they don’t, do some thinking about what will get you up and moving.

If you can’t think of anything, it might be time to let your treatment team know how you’re feeling, or call a warm line, where you can talk with someone who’s been there.

I wish you well in your journey.

Related Posts:

bipolar parent

The Bipolar Parent’s Master Link List

June 3, 2022February 27, 2023 Cassandra Stout

Updated: June 3rd, 2022.

Why, hello, there! Welcome to my blog!

My name is Cassandra Stout.

I have lived with and managed my bipolar I disorder for almost a decade and a half, having suffered a postpartum psychotic break and crippling postpartum depression.

Recovery was a long and winding road, but I can happily say that I have been stable for several years.

On this blog, I offer advice based on personal experiences, hoping to share to better your life by encouraging you to manage your mental health.

I have advice for you on topics ranging from how to identify and manage manic and depressive episodes to how to shield your children from the effects of your bipolar disorder to how to accomplish your to-do list during a depressive episode–and a lot more.

I hope you like your stay here. Here is the Master Link list to almost all of my posts. Enjoy the site, and thanks for stopping by!

bipolar parent

How I (Mis)managed my Bipolar Disorder During my Pregnancies

May 27, 2022May 5, 2022 Cassandra Stout

Trigger Warning: This post contains a discussions of suicide. If you or someone you know is at risk of suicide, please:

Call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255
Text TALK to 741741
Or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.

For a post with a list of domestic crisis lines, click here.

For a post with a list of international crisis lines, clic k here.

—

This post appeared on The International Bipolar Foundation’s website, here.

Pregnancy.

It’s a time of joy for some, a time of horror for others, and a time of anxiety for most.

Becoming pregnant, regardless of the outcome, changes your life forever. And if you have a mismanaged mental illness that’s affected by maternal hormones like bipolar disorder, irrevocable damage can be done.

May is National Maternal Depression month in the U.S., a time to reflect and raise awareness for mothers who face challenges such as postpartum depression.

According to WebMD, “Pregnant women or new mothers with bipolar disorder have seven times the risk of hospital admissions compared to pregnant women who do not have bipolar disorder.”

And I was one of them.

Here are my completely different experiences with my two pregnancies and how I managed and mismanaged my bipolar disorder–and what a difference that made.

During my first pregnancy, warning signs of an undiagnosed, worsening bipolar disorder were missed or ignored by my obstetrician. As I wasn’t aware that I had a mental illness, my anxiety, depression, and mania–a mixed mood episode–quickly grew out of control and ravaged my mind and body.

Because of lingering issues centered around going hungry as a child, my manic fear that my new family would go hungry forced me to build a balcony garden with recycled tin cans and bulk soil purchased for pennies. I was terrified that my husband and I would run out of money despite his stable, high-paying job.

The garden never took off, and due to my burgeoning depression, I quickly became suicidal. I became obsessed with a show I saw once a week on television, Avatar: The Last Airbender, living only for new episodes. I forced my husband to watch the show, saying I identified with the sociopathic character who has a psychotic break in the end because I was so numb and messed up.

Faced with decorating a nursery on what I perceived to be a shoe-string budget, I dove in our apartment’s huge dumpster for mismatched, broken lamps, bassinets, and other baby items. I crammed our guest room/nursery so full of filthy items, we couldn’t even walk through the room.

I could not bond with my baby, instead concentrating on how awful I felt. I was jittery, depressed, irritable, lonely, and physically sick–I suffered from a condition called hyperemesis, which means I threw up several times a day for nine months straight.

Rather than gaining weight like I was supposed to, I lost thirty pounds and only gained back ten, and was placed on bedrest four months in. I lost even more weight after the baby was born. I started out the pregnancy at 148 pounds and ended it at approximately 100–not exactly a healthy weight for a 5’7” woman.

Throughout the pregnancy, I faced challenges such as social isolation (my husband and I had just moved 1500 miles away from friends and family for his job), limited mobility (I sprained my ankle and couldn’t drive), and completely wild hormones. It’s no wonder that I suffered a psychotic break after giving birth!

Fortunately, I committed myself to a mental hospital with the help of my therapist, whom I’d started seeing at the beginning of the pregnancy. The doctors there gave me an official diagnosis–bipolar I–as well as medication that saved my life.

Following the pregnancy, I suffered from a crippling postpartum depression that rewired me completely. I went from a bold, confident, intelligent young woman to someone fearful and constantly seeking validation from others.

It took me three long years and several medication changes to recover–and even now, 13 years later, I’m not quite 100% back to my former self.

However, three years after recovering from postpartum depression, when my first child was six, I was ready to try for another baby. My husband had always encouraged me to be in control of our reproductive choices, so he willingly agreed to a second pregnancy.

For the second pregnancy, I insisted on taking medication. I didn’t want to go back into the depths of suicidal depression. And I faithfully attended therapy once a week, discussing coping strategies I could use.

During the second pregnancy, I once again suffered from hyperemesis. I threw up 6-8 times per day from the moment I conceived until the day I gave birth.

Despite that, I my spirits were high and I didn’t suffer a massive depressive or manic episode. I was no longer depending on a television show to emotionally sustain me.

My routine of medication, therapy, and self-care kept the awful mood episodes at bay. I was sane, stable, and dare I say, happy. I was able to bond with my baby and suffered no ill effects after giving birth.

All things considered, except for the hyperemesis and bedrest, the second pregnancy was much closer to “normal” and expected for a healthy pregnancy. I certainly didn’t suffer as much emotional pain!

My bipolar disorder diagnosis–and appropriate approaches to treatment–made such a difference in my two pregnancies. After the first one, I was terrified to have more children; after the second, I considered having a third.

If you have bipolar disorder or even think you do, carefully consider the risks of getting pregnant before you embark on that journey. It may take you somewhere you don’t wish to be.

But there are steps you can take to sustain a safe and healthy pregnancy. Low-risk psychotropic medications are available to you. Talk therapy poses no risk to the baby. And a self-care routine prioritizing sleep can do nothing but good for you.

I wish you well on your journey.

Related posts:

bipolar parent

25 Inspirational Mental Health Quotes to Give Your Mood a Boost

May 13, 2022April 6, 2022 Cassandra Stout

Are you feeling down in the dumps about your mental health?

It’s a catch-22 of depression: sometimes we feel depressed, and then we feel awful about feeling depressed.

But don’t feel bad. Sometimes we feel down, and that’s okay.

People around the world have words of wisdom to share about mental health. Here are 25 mental health quotes to give your mood a boost.

25 of the Best Mental Health Quotes

1. “The advice I’d give to somebody that’s silently struggling is: You don’t have to live that way. You don’t have to struggle in silence. You can be un-silent. You can live well with a mental health condition, as long as you open up to somebody about it, because it’s really important you share your experience with people so that you can get the help that you need.” — Demi Lovoto

2. “There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t.”— John Green

3. “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” — Albus Dumbledore

4. “It’s up to you today to start making healthy choices. Not choices that are just healthy for your body, but healthy for your mind.” — Steve Maraboli

5. “Gardens are not made by sitting in the shade.” — Rudyard Kipling

6. “This feeling will pass. The fear is real but the danger is not.” — Cammie McGovern

7. “Nobody can save you but yourself, and you’re worth saving. It’s a war not easily won, but if anything is worth winning then this is it.” — Charles Bukowski

8. “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to; it’s not for them.” — Joubert Botha

9. “One small crack does not mean that you are broken, it means that you were put to the test and you didn’t fall apart.” — Linda Poindexter

10. “She is beautiful piece of broken pottery, put back together by her own hands. And a critical world judges her cracks while missing the beauty of how she made herself whole again.” — J.M. Storm

11. “Your illness is not your identity. Your chemistry is not your character.” — Rick Warren

12. “Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but, importantly, YOU ARE NOT THE RAIN.” — Matt Haig

13. “If you are broken, you do not have to stay broken.” — Selena Gomez

14. “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

15. “Be confused, it’s where you begin to learn new things. Be broken, it’s where you begin to heal. Be frustrated, it’s where you start to make more authentic decisions. Be sad, because if we are brave enough we can hear our heart’s wisdom through it. Be whatever you are right now. No more hiding. You are worthy, always.” — S.C. Lourie

16. “Often it’s the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.” — Karen Salmansohn

17. “You are valuable just because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are.” — Max Lucado

18. “One of the things that baffles me (and there are quite a few) is how there can be so much lingering stigma with regards to mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder. In my opinion, living with manic depression takes a tremendous amount of balls. Not unlike a tour of Afghanistan (though the bombs and bullets, in this case, come from the inside). At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of. They should issue medals along with the steady stream of medication.” — Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking

19. “What does your anxiety do? It does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but it empties today of its strength. It does not make you escape the evil; it makes you unfit to cope with it if it comes.” — Raymond L. Cramer

20. “Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.” — Nido Qubein

21. “Everybody knows there is no such thing as normal. There is no black-and-white definition of normal. Normal is subjective. There’s only a messy, inconsistent, silly, hopeful version of how we feel most at home in our lives.” — Tori Spelling

22. “You are the one thing in this world, above all other things, that you must never give up on. When I was in middle school, I was struggling with severe anxiety and depression and the help and support I received from my family and a therapist saved my life. Asking for help is the first step. You are more precious to this world than you’ll ever know.” — Lili Rhinehart

23. “My dark days made me strong. Or maybe I already was strong, and they made me prove it.” — Emery Lord

24. “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.” — Abraham Lincoln

25. “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” — Aristotle

Which quote was your favorite?

I hope these quotes helped you feel a little bit better, a little bit stronger, a little bit more at ease. Mental health is a journey, one which we don’t have to take alone.

If you’re struggling with your mental health, talk to someone today.

I wish you well in your journey.

Related Posts:

bipolar parent

Mother’s Day: 5 Things I Wish People–Including New Mothers–Knew About Postpartum Depression

May 6, 2022March 22, 2022 Cassandra Stout

Trigger Warning: This post contains discussions of suicide. If you or someone you know is at risk of suicide, please:

Call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255
Text TALK to 741741
Or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.

For a post with a list of domestic crisis lines, click here. For a post with a list of international crisis lines, click here.

Like many mothers who have just given birth (up to 20%, in fact), I suffered postpartum depression.

Most mothers get the baby blues, a period of sadness after birth that lasts anywhere from 4-6 weeks, but postpartum depression (PPD) is so much more severe than that.

On this Mother’s Day, where we honor the parent who gave us life, I think it’s perfect time to let you know what PPD is really like. Or, at least, how my own experience with the illness was and what it can teach you.

5 Things I Wish People–Including New Mothers–Knew About Postpartum Depression

1. Take PPD Seriously

Postpartum depression is no joke.

My experience was slightly different than most moms out there: I suffered an episode of postpartum psychosis that hamstrung me.

But the following three years of postpartum depression kept me from functioning and destroyed my confidence that I would ever be a whole person again.

Indeed, 13 years later, I’m still feeling the effects of my bout with PPD. I used to be a strong, independent young woman who’d just earned two bachelor’s degrees, paying for college by myself by working two jobs. Now I’m nervous, insecure, and almost entirely dependent upon my husband not only financially, but also for things like taxes, buying airline tickets, changing a tire, driving in snow, and picking out phones.

My dependance on my husband is shameful to me. I don’t know how to do those practical things, and I’ve been afraid I’m too stupid to learn. Me, the woman who was smart enough and bold enough to earn two bachelor’s degrees!

I was never this bad off before my struggles with PPD.

And the PPD itself was a living hell. When my baby cried, I cried. I was terrified of putting him down just in case something bad would happen to him—either I’d step on him and crush his chest, or I’d forget about him, and he’d starve to death. I had nightmares of me throwing him down the stairs or boiling him alive.

For the first three years of my son’s life, my home was completely trashed. Moldy dishes piled up in the sink and on tables, unwashed clothes littered the floor, and a figurative ocean of dirty diapers coalesced on the living room floor.

I could not function. When I say that, I don’t mean that I was lazy. I mean that my brain could not parse out “pick up the dirty diapers on the floor one at a time, and you’ll be able to clean the living room floor.” I looked at the whole picture of the mess I had caused and felt completely overwhelmed.

Isolating myself and my infant, we rarely went outside or to mother-baby activities. I did have a Program for Early Parent Support (PEPS) group of mothers and their infants that was set up by the hospital, but after I broke down sobbing at one of the meetings, screaming, “I have PPD and it sucks!” the other mothers alienated me.

I spent all day sobbing. I lost several friends, and found no pleasure in anything, not even my infant, and then felt terribly guilty for not bonding with him in the way I “should” have.

Trying to establish himself in his new, high-stress job, my husband worked 12-hour days and sometimes slept at the office. I was alone most of the day, left to my brain fog and inability to do anything more than breastfeed my baby when he cried, at which point I was also crying.

Postpartum depression is not the baby blues. It’s severe, and if you or a loved one has been experiencing any of the following symptoms, please call a doctor right now:

Mood swings
Anxiety
Sadness
Irritability
Feeling overwhelmed
Crying
Reduced concentration
Appetite problems
Trouble sleeping

2. PPD can be Dangerous to Mothers and Their Babies

There came a point in my PPD two and a half years after my son’s birth that I began dreaming of ways to die. Watching my son toddle around all day and unable to answer his constant questions of why, why, why, I would craft suicide letters in my head.

Suicide is a real risk for mothers who suffer PPD. Over the past decade, suicide attempts during and after pregnancy have nearly tripled. And it’s a silent suffering. No mother wants to alarm their loved ones by spilling their secret thoughts to harm themselves.

Which leads into my next point.

3. Pressure on Mothers is Immense

The pressure on mothers, especially mothers of tiny babies, is immense.

I speak of mothers specifically because dads tend to be praised for their efforts in “babysitting” their babies, which is a whole different problem. Both caregivers are under a lot of pressure, but new mothers, assumed to be the primary caregiver, bear the brunt of the social pressure.

Breastfeeding is touted as what’s best for the baby, and I agree that nutritionally, it is, but breastfeeding in public is met with either derision and ogling, or both at once.

I have been drooled at before. I have breastfed on a toilet seat. I have been scoffed at, glared at, and put on display for both mockers and people who would stare at my breasts and lick their lips lasciviously. All I was trying to do was feed my baby in the “best” way possible.

There’s nothing worse on an airplane than a crying baby. Why won’t that mother shut that baby up? Sure, the baby is tired and hungry like everyone else, but seriously, that mother is terrible, or so the thinking goes.

And as a new mother, you’re expected to bond with your baby. New babyhood is glorified as this magical journey where everyone handmakes favors for their child’s first birthday bash (which are “supposed to be” huge) and posts them on Instagram.

The pressure to post your “perfect” life on Snapchat is never more intense than on new mothers. Everyone wants to see the baby’s involuntary smiles that are usually from gas bubbles, but no one wants to see the same baby spitting up or with a blowout diaper.

Especially not on an airplane, which has happened to both me and my husband while traveling alone with our infants.

The pressure on mothers is ridiculous. I beg you, if there’s a crying baby in your vicinity, please, please give the mother a little grace. If she has PPD, I can assure you that society’s judgement is the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

4. You Can Conquer PPD

All of this sounds like doom and gloom, right?

But don’t worry. Postpartum depression doesn’t last forever.

If you’re suffering from PPD, you can survive this, and yes, even thrive one day. It will take time, and patience, and maybe medication and definitely therapy.

But I promise you: You can conquer PPD. It’s dangerous, it’s terrible, it’s soul-destroying, but you will live again, and reach your full potential.

Call your doctor today. They want to help you.

If you can’t call your doctor, if your brain fog or your shame about not bonding with your baby prevents you from doing so, get someone close to you to do it. Tap that social support network you’ve so carefully built up.

And if you have no one and are truly on your own, go to the nearest urgent care center. Your life may be at stake.

And you deserve the dignity of a stable, happy life. I should know – I am thriving. My psychiatrist gave me lithium (I have bipolar disorder, so this drug worked for me) and it was like the clouds opened up and I could breathe again.

I no longer suffocated in PPD’s grip. I was able to pick up those dirty diapers and move on with my life, eventually bonding with my baby. I am now going to school for my graduate degree in clinical mental health counseling.

I am happy now. You want that, right?

Call your doctor today.

5. You May Not have PPD with Your Next Baby

After my bout with PPD, I was scared off of having babies for many years. I thought I was done with having children, that my son alone would be enough.

But then, one Christmas, I woke up one day wanting another baby. I talked it over with my husband, who always left our reproductive choices up to me, and he agreed to try for another one.

After a year of trying, I fell pregnant, and insisted that I be safely medicated for the pregnancy.

My daughter was born healthy and happy, and I suffered no ill effects that I was dreading. I had my treatment team (my psychiatrist and therapist) on standby, but I was stunned that I didn’t need them.

By grace of God, I did not have a second round of PPD. But if I did, I would have sought treatment immediately. Never again will I face a pit of depression without getting help, and never again will I allow myself to sink to such horrific depths.

Let’s Recap

This is a strongly worded post, I know. But my experience with PPD was so intense, it almost killed me.

The 5 things I wish people knew about PPD are easy to remember:

Take PPD seriously.
PPD is dangerous to mothers and their babies.
The societal pressure on mothers is immense.
You can conquer PPD.
And you may not even have PPD with your next baby.

If you or a loved one are suffering from PPD, don’t be like me. Don’t let the dirty diapers pile up on the floor.

There’s an ending to this. And you deserve better.

I wish you well on your journey.

Related Posts: